Of Reasons and Rainbows

another corner on the web

2006-05-19T13:30:00.000+08:00

dear readers (kung meron man),

i wont be updating this blog anymore.
you may go here instead.

love,
grace

job satisfaction

2006-05-11T08:42:00.000+08:00

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 23%

Your job is not bad, but it's probably not a long term thing.
You're just not happy enough to stick around for too long...
And there's little that can change how you feel.
Start looking around for other options, but only quit for something really good!

Should You Quit Your Job?

nakuha ko lang to sa blog ni yashko. this is my fourth job since i graduated (2003). after 4 different positions: i was a junior developer, a technical support engineer, a software tester and a QA engineer; 8 different boss, 4 buildings, 4 different locations, a hundred or so teamates, 4 desktops and 1 laptop pc, 3 letters of resignation, a dozen or so interviews and no vacation leave or long breaks in between... i have no plans of moving out (not yet anyway). this is the first job where i landed a regular post, where i was able to use the company's health card benefit, where i was able to use and abuse the high speed dsl connection and the low restrictions implemented by the i.t. team, and where after almost a year of service, i am not hunting for a greener pasture. yes, i could stay. and i think i will, unless an opportunity to travel/work abroad knocks my way. :)

one year since

2006-05-10T18:18:00.000+08:00

i was digging thru my mail when i accidentally found out that today marks the day when I was officially hired here at gxs(i.e. job offer and contract signing). has it been that long? it seems only yesterday when i was rushing to get my pre employment medical examination. its just hard to believe that 365 days had passed since. so i decided to post my goodbye letter for the CITIphil folks.

THANK YOU! (grace dela pea - logging off)
sent: june 30, 2005 my last day

"a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

today is my last day here at citiPHIL. During my stay, I've learned ten things.

10.Life is a long winding road. I never imagined that I would be writing this email this early and that I'd be hesitant and gloomy in doing so.

9. Life is unpredictable. The ratio of CAT to user could never be defined. In short, laging may nag aagawan.

8. Timing is important. The office is more peaceful to work at around midnight. Concentration level could reach 100%.

7. Your memory is priceless. The ability to remember half a dozen password associated with half a dozen username is a rare talent. If you dont have it, you should learn it.

6. Simple things matters the most. An excel file, a palm card and a camera is essential to your stomach.

5. Laughter is the best medicine. Don't forget to smile, no matter how long your day gets or how tired you are, always remember that there will always be reason to smile at the end of the day.

4. Life is short, Time is gold. When beating a deadline, makakalimutan mo ng mag toothbrush at kumain matapos lang lahat.

3. Love conquers all. People do fall in love, even on top of all the bdmilogs, STRs, endless overtime, everything kahit na nasa loob ng CATlab. It's inevitable.

2. Friends color your world. Another journey has come my way, but i'll never forget the people that i have met here. Whatever happens, you will always be a part of me. Thank you for the friendship, the memories, the support, the laughter, the kodak moments, the bonding moments... maraming salamat! sobra.

1. This is a small world after all.... Till we meet again, folks!

Life is beautiful. And it goes on.... :) It was a really nice working with you guys. Thank you to my ITF family, sa mga dev na lagi kong kinukulit, sa mga Test Managers that I worked with, and to all of my friends here. I'd like to thank all of you for your time and effort and for believing in me. And I want you to know that this means so much to me. Really.

logging off,
Ma. grace dela Peña
hersheys_haven@yahoo.com
"ad astra per aspera (a rough road leads to the stars)"

***trivia: i started working here last july 4, 2005. malapit na first year anniv ko.***

unfinished stories

2006-05-09T08:06:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, it came to me that all of my previous posts are unended. So here goes, what exactly happened next?

To begin with,I'm so happy to say that my mom has successfully conquered the operation. She's in a pretty good shape now except that the doctor said she's a diabetic which is fairly predictable since my grandma is also one. It also means that she has to take some medicines as a maintenance drug. This makes me think. I have to cut on sugar. I put too much on my coffee and my sweet tooth is yet to go away. But on the other hand, I'm really grateful that my mom is alright now.

The galera getaway concluded with a blast. We had so much fun doing simple stuff. The only thing I was not exactly happy about was the clogged toilet. Just imagining it still makes me sick. I am not a neat freak. But the place was so extremely foul I couldn't help myself but maginarte. The Sunday night tequilla session was the best part. I have never laughed that hard for a long long time, it felt soooooo good.The aftershock is overwhelming as well. Now, jun and I dont have to rely on Friends episodes alone to make us laugh when we're together.And though I'm not much of a person who curse a lot...you'll hear us these days saying "I'm so fucking happy.." and "We're so fuckin' poor you know..." while laughing our hearts out. A big thanks to hottie, your moment as i said, was priceless.

The Jewel in the Palace marathon, on the other hand, was put on hold. I have so much to do on weekends that I cant manage to finish the last volume. I also have Wonderful Life (currently downloading) and Hana Yori Dango
(meteor garden japanese version)in the pipeline this summer. All started but nothing done.

Now, as for my grandma, the news is not good. She still hasn't wake up since the incident roughly two weeks ago. Although she's not in the Intensive Care Unit anymore, there is no sign of improvement. She still remains as lifeless as before, and her body seems to be deteriorating little by little. It pains me to see her suffer. I think no one deserves to be in her shoes right now. And for us, her family...waiting is an agony itself. We still hope that she'd be okay. That one day she'll be able to wake up and everything will be back as it was. But the doctor's voice is louder than any of that thoughts. "Only our prayers and a miracle could help her now..."As of the moment, there is nothing to do but wait. And the only thing that could help her are prayers. If you are reading this, I sincerely ask you to say a silent prayer for my lola. Once again i can feel the hospital blues. While the hospital bills are piling up, as we go on our normal life, and as we continue to experience the ups and downs of life, there are some people who are fighting just to live. And my lola is one of them.

Lastly, may ginagawa na ko! haaaah! at long long last... nararamdaman ko na ulit ang feeling ng busy. yung hindi ka makatayo sa kate-test. Yung nakakalimutan mong mag toothbrush kasi madami kang kelangang tapusin. Tama ang kutob ko... adik lang talaga ko sa stress at overtime kaya hirap na hirap akong maging petiks. Hehehe. Sana laging ganito. Masarap ang feeling ng may ginagawa. Yahoo!

Remind me if I left something out... Just leave a note. :)

wonderful life

2006-05-03T13:31:00.000+08:00

"They say no one's really truly happy in this world.
There's a doctor who dreamed of being a singer.
A lawyer who wanted to be an artist...
A janitor who couldn't be an actor...
A mother who couldn't become a diplomat.
A pilot who couldn't marry his true love...
Life doesn't always turn out the way you expect.
But you still have to live it.
If that's the case, shouldn't we try to be happy
and try to love each other?
Shouldn't we try hard?
Even if it's hard..." - Se Jin

"You should drive slowly.
You shouldn't rely on your brakes.
What if they fail?" - Seung wan

"What a loving gaze...
What's the difference between you and me?
I'm honest with my feelings and I show them.
But you pretend not to have them and act cool." -Chaeyoung

"We're different.
You want something that's not yours, and I'm content watching her be happy.
You want to steal him away, but I'm more comfortable watching from afar.
I'm not trying to act cool. It's just my way." -Do-hyun (*mahal ko na talaga tong taong to...*)"

"Seung-wan, have you ever felt nervous in the presence of another woman since we got married?
Has your heart skipped a beat?
Mine has.
Some days when I see him, I feel like my heart's going to break into pieces, it hurts so much.
And some days, I'm happy just seeing his face.
I don't know why I keep making mistakes in front of him.
And I keep saying things I don't mean." - Se-Jin

excerpts from wonderful life.im falling in love with Lee Ji-hoon (henry). his eyes are so dreamy...

galera getaway 2006

2006-05-02T16:55:00.000+08:00

natuloy ako sa galera. nagpaalam ako sa mga kinauukulan at katuwa naman pumayag sila. meron lang pakonti konting dagdag bawas sa kwento. ;)

so what happened?

it was fun. simple yet relaxing.

dumating kami dito sa pier

ng alas dose ng tanghali.pero dahil sa dami ng tao, wala kaming mabilihan ng ticket. 4pm na yung earliest ferry na nakuha namin.kaya tambay muna. si jun jun,nagpusoy mag isa.

si marco,nagbilang ng barya.

si aids, nagbutinting ng pocket pc nya.

after a million and a half years, dumating na yung ferry.malapit ng gumabi nung dumating kami sa whitebeach.

(...to be continued kapag nakuha ko na yung ibang pictures...)

silence

2006-04-27T08:03:00.000+08:00

"no man is worth a woman's tears. the only one who is worth it is the one who knows he could, but never would, make her cry... "

sleeping at work

2006-04-26T14:11:00.000+08:00

Im so sleepy today. im currently fighting the urge to simply bow my head on my desk and doze off. I think I need another cup of coffee. though i set a limit of one cup of coffee a day (para mabawasan ang pagiging nerbyosa), there were always instances when you have to bend the rule a little.

I'm a self confessed coffee addict. My day wont be complete if I wont be able to drink a cup. I actually feel weird if no caffein enters my body within 24 hours. And I'll eventually start longing for a hot cup. My ultimate weakness is a hot grande cafe late from starbucks or a boiling kettle of native batangas cofee that my lola perfectly brews each morning when im home. I could drink a drum of those and be happy and contented my whole life. That's how sick and addicted I am to beans.

My eyes are heavy and Im starting to give in to the tempatation... a short nap.I want to sleep. My room is calling me and I want to run home and jump into bed. I feel like dreaming. I feel like nothing is real. Ooooppps, you might get the wrong idea, hindi po ako nagddrugs. :P puyat lang talaga. I did not have a nice peaceful sleep (the usual) last night because I'm too worried.I keep on looking at my cellphone, fearing that there might be a message from anyone in the hospital. I couldn't help but cry when I saw my lola at the ICU. Her condition seems so terrible, her body is lifeless, and obviously, she's sufferring a lot. i hope she'd recover.She's a strong woman and a fighter. I really hope she'd be okay. Sorry if I keep on lamenting these emotions here. The last posts are all remorseful and I hate giving problems and negative aura to the people reading this blog, however, it helps me a lot. I write about how I feel especially when I'm worried.It's relaxing and it helps me cope up with things whenever I feel gloomy. I just have to let it all out.

We're planning to go to Puerto Galera this weekend. My mom said that I shouldn't go given the current family crisis. I insisted, saying that i need the rest and I wouldn't be able to do anything, anyway. But the decision still depends on how my lola's condition would be. I know Junjun would be greatly disappointed if this would be postponed too, but given the current circumstances, what am i to do? Still, Im trying to think positively. Everything would be okay. It should be.

I'm hearing lullabyes in my head. Owh... I really want to take a nap. just a short one. Gotta go get that coffee...

recently part 2

2006-04-25T15:19:00.000+08:00

medyo di pa ko inspired mag blog kaya wala pa kong masulat na matino. ano bang meron?

...nagbowling kami kahapon. at natalo ako. pero masaya. tawa kami ng tawa. yung isang bata kasi dyan, date ng date. hay naku talaga. wala na ha. putulin na lahat ng ugnayan. :D

...medyo lie low sa jewel dahil wala akong time manood pag uwi ko pagod na ko at natutulog na lang. pero may bago akong obsession ngayon. wonderful life, a comedy-romance korean novela which started to air last week. ang cute ni henry. parang mamang mama ang dating. astig.

...kung kelan naman na eexcite na ko and all saka pa nila sasabihin na ipopostpone daw ang sagada trip namin. hay, sana matuloy. if ever, ngayon pa lang ako mkakapunta sa rice terraces at ngayon pa lang din ako makakakita ng kweba. sana talaga matuloy.

...first quarter of the month at napansin ko lang na sunod sunod ang "storms" na nararanasan ng pamilya. una, ang lolo ko. inoperahan sya sa liver. then, this month lang, ang mama ko, inoperahan din, sa ovary naman. kaya sobra talaga akong nalungkot when i woke up this morning and found out that my lola is in the hospital. grabe talaga... nakakatako. matanda na ang lola ko, she is 73 years old. but despite the age, malakas pa sya at maliksi. walang nararamdaman na kahit ano sa katawan. kaya nagulat kami nung mag text si tita zeny kanina. nasa polymedic daw ang nanay. and the thing is, hindi sya magising. up to this moment, uncoscious pa rin sya. nakakatakot talaga. pero wala namang pwedeng gawin kundi magdasal. sabi nga ni mabel, God can. i hope na maging okay na ang condition nya. last update, nasa icu na daw sya. and hindi pa rin nagigising. haaay.

...meron pa rin kaming project ngayon. kaya masaya ako. di na ko tambay! yey. inuunti unti ko nga yung task eh. kasi baka pagnatapos to...back to zero. hay, sana naman hindi.

...maganda talaga ang jewel in the palace. ang brilliant ng konsepto. although most of the time naiisip ko na napaka imposible na ganun kagaling si jang-geum, ang lupit pa rin. narealize ko lang lately na natutuwa ako sa mga films/series na historical ang theme. kaya nga favorite ko ang pride and prejudice, dangerous beauty, little women at kung anu ano pa. naalala ko rin na there was one period during high school na ginusto kong maging teacher (ng history).

im feeling: worried
im listening to: nothing
im staring at: the lifeless monitor
im wearing: a while collared shirt and jeans
im eating: nothing
im thinking of: him

recently...

2006-04-18T19:46:00.000+08:00

...nag download ako ng mozilla firefox. ang lupet, nakakaaliw tuloy ang browser ko ngayon.
...nahu-hook ako sa jewel in the palace. yeah, late na talaga nung simulan ko, pero gayunpaman, makikihabol ako sa nakararami. mahal ko na rin si kapitan.
...ang kulit kulit ni kulit. hehehe. kaya mahal na mahal ko yan eh.
...araw araw akong nag oovertime. pwera biro. at naaadik na naman ako sa stress, kape at puyat.

(yun muna, bukas ko na to itutuloy. wala akong maisip eh.)

nightshift

2006-04-06T12:06:00.000+08:00

I arrived at the office at exactly 6:41am today. I was the first person inside and every light on our wing are still switched off and even the damn airconditioner was still asleep when I entered. I usually come early, a habbit I acquired when I started working with perf team. As always, I started my day by getting a hot cup of coffee from the pantry and then proceeded by reading my mails. It was, in every aspect, an ordinary day. Except that it is absolutely not.

When I arrived at the hospital last night, my mom was alone again. She informed me that she sent my brother, whom I asked to stay until I arrive, home. Her visitors for the day had all gone home as well and she was left talking with the moaning patient's company(refer to previous post). I brought dinner for two with me. One for me and the other was supposedly for my brother. I checked with my mom earlier and she informed me that she already had her dinner. After hurriedly eating (believe me, the sick feeling inside the hospital ward and the smell of medicine made me loose my appetite no matter how hungry I am), I washed up a bit, changed my clothes and prepared for bed. Unfortunately, I had a splitting headache which made me awake for hours after laying on my mom's side. So we talked. We talked about what happened that day. About how my father screwed up again by being on the hospital way later than he promised. She said she's used to him not being true to his words. I explained why I arrived late, I was informed that I needed to finish some task an hour before I was set to leave. We talked about our relatives and gossiped about the whatabouts of some. I showed her some photos on my phone, describing the place where I worked and the people I worked with. We talked for 3hours about nothing in particular just bits and pieces of whatever came from our minds. This is the closest that I have been to my mother for the longest time that I could remember.

Our family is a unique one. Let me describe unique geographically. I live in Pasig, with my bestfriend from college Abby and her lola. My younger sister, Shiela, used to live with us but she got a new job and got assigned in Tarlac, Tarlac. So she lives there now. My mom and my dad live with my father's mother in Taytay, Rizal. My younger brother, Allan, lives in a dorm in UPLB where he is taking up Industrial Engineering. My youngest brother, Owie, meanwhile lives with my mother's parents in Batangas. He would be moving to a dorm in UP Diliman this coming school year.

Given this setup it is very difficult for us to manage and have some quality family time. Times when we are all together under the same roof are rare. They usually happen during Christmas, New Year's Eve and our barrio fiesta. And that's about it. But we get by. Our family may seem rather different than the usual but we stick with each other for as long as I can remember.

We are currently experiencing something unexpected and out of control. What breaks my heart is that as much as i avoid it, I keep thinking how unfair life is. And how cruel the world could get. I have a strong faith,yes. I believe that God in His own powerful way would lead us out through this mess. He always does. But why... why do this thing have to happen in the first place? We are perfectly satisfied with the little blessings we have, we may have financial problems every now and then...but do we really have to endure the pain of realizing how poor and helpless we are? And why does it have to be my mom? Why not me, instead? At least that way, I could rest assure that my family is all well and safe. I feel awful, and right now, I could do nothing about it. Well, nothing but pray. I pray for my mom's operation and recovery. And I pray for my family's strength.

(By the way, her operation would be tomorrow. Please pray with me and my family for her operation to be successful. It would be much help for us...)

toxic

2006-04-05T09:40:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, my mom was admitted at the VR Potenciano Medical Center. She needs to undergo an operation called tahbso which is short for Total Abdominal Hysterectomy, Bilateral Salpingo-Oophorectomy. In layman's term, her uterus needs to be removed. She is suffering from profuse bleeding for almost a year now and the operation is the doctor's final diagnosis.

The last time I was inside a hospital was like 5 years ago. The staffs at the polymedic were surprisingly friendly and the admission itself went on smoothly. Being the eldest in our family, I took charge of taking care of my mom's medication. Since my mom is quite strong for a patient (she's not yet feeling anything beyond normal since the operation itself is still a few days away), we decided that she stay on a ward first.

The room is on the 5th floor. There are 6 hospital beds inside and only one is unoccupied. The first thing we noticed are the curtains. There are lots of curtains in the room which made it possible to seclude the area you're assigned to and have visitors stay during the night. There is a bathroom with shower inside that made it possible for me to come to work straight from the hospital. I guess this would be my routine in the coming days.

I slept on my mom's bed. yep... I occupied a part of her patient's space and slept beside her. For those of you who havent seen my mom yet, she is quite big. And she said she gained extra pounds these past few months trying to alter the effect of the blood lost in her body. It is surprising how we managed to squeeze each other's body to give room for the other. And it made me feel a bit awkward. You see my mom and I were never close. I practically grew up away from her and that mother-daughter bond that some people have is never there in our case. Last night, I realized how much I love her and how pathetically distant we grew apart from each other.

There is one thing that bothers me, though. The patient nearest my mom's bed. She is a 50 something woman, mentally retarded as we were informed by her companions and she moans all the time. And from the sounds that she make, it is clear that she is sufferring. I pity her and her condition. It made me understand that despite financial difficulties and problems, we are still blessed.

So how am I handling this situation? Im afraid. Afraid of what might happen. Frightened of how things could go wrong. I just hope that my mom gets well.

my desk

2006-03-24T15:47:00.000+08:00

wala ako sa mood. kaya naisip kong ilista ang mga gamit sa desk ko. yep, ganyan ako kabato ngayon. pero technically, dapat may ginagawa ako. technically.

1. 2 keychain na galing sa enchanted. pasalubong sa akin ng isang batang nag enchanted ng hindi ako kasama. :(
2. 6 na mickey mouse keychains. galing sa mga kaibigang napilit kong pasalubungan ako sa tuwing sila'y pupunta sa disneyland. 5 came from japan (salamat kay she at mabel) and one came from hongkong (salamat kay marc).
3. 6 colorful magnets na parang clay yung surface. isang friendship magnet na galing sa papemelroti.isang smiley na magnet na galing kay jaz. isang crab magnet na binili namin sa tiendesitas pagkatapos naming mag red crab buffet nung christmas.
4. isang 4x6 na picture na kuha sa puerto galera.
5. 8 maliliit na snoopy stickers na naidikit ko lang isang araw na wala talaga akong magawa.
6. sketch ni eeyore na binigay ni peachy.
7. si froggy (isang munting kulay orange na palaka) na nasa taas pa rin ng cpu ko.
8. isang maliit na baso na kulay white na may tatak na starbucks. nakuha lang namin to na may sample na mocha marshmallow (di ko alam kung anong tawag sa drink na yun).
9. 3 kiddie meal toy (isang kangaroo, isang mickey mouse at isang pooh).
10. calendar na parang bola ng football na galing kay marco. yung ina adjust para magpalit ng date.
11. rubix cube. di ko pa rin mabuo.
12. yellow cab pistachio ice cream canister.
13. porkchop pillow na bigay ni april.
14. si mr. big nose na bigay ng mga kaibigan.
16. isang bote ng alchohol. (hindi yung nakakalasing ha).
17. isang oval mirror na kulay purple.
18. dalawang tumbler. isang para sa water. isang para sa coffee. isang batman. isang starbucks na christmas ang theme at kulay yellow.
19. tissue holder na kulay orange at syempre may lamang tissue from ancar and marco.
20. isang lata ng pringles na meron pang onting laman at di ko matapon tapon.
21. isang parang some sort of a clip holder na nilalagyan ko ng unused ballots at calendar pages.
22. calendar na hindi ko naman tinitingnan.
23. ip phone. na bihira namang mag ring.
24. isang blue na rubber band na di ko talaga alam kung saan nanggaling.

i think that's about it... now, yung pedestal ko, as usual, magulo. i wont even attempt to start.

* * *
there's so much going on in my mind right now...
listening to:shuffled music from iTunes
currently feeling:uncertain
* * *
at para sa isang taong laging tulog, nakakamiss ka. sobra. :)

bored of being bored

2006-03-07T12:56:00.000+08:00

dahil wala talaga akong magawa, naisip kong hanapin ang dulo ng internet. yeah, ang wierd di ba. actually, si jun jun ang unang nagbigay ng idea na yan. kasi sabi nya, "magbasa ka ng wikipedia, pampatalino. ako nahanap ko na ang dulo ng internet, ikaw ba? alam mo kung nasaan". pathetic as it may sound, na intriga naman ako. so the result of my query? warning lang, bawal ang violent reaction at bawal ding mang okray. :)

click here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_page_of_the_internet

eto pa, curious ka ba kung ano ang meron or should i say rumored na meron sa last installment ng harry potter books? take a peak?

click here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Potter_7

nadiscover ko rin ang website ng class ng kapatid ko kanina lang. mejo mabagal lang mag load kaya pasensya... :)

click here: http://earthlings.somee.com/earthlings2/default2.asp

o di ba, kahit papanoh may nangyari sa araw ko.

eto naman ang gusto kong gawin ngayon

pardon the violence... naisip ko lang, kung makakapunta ako dun sa restaurant sa tarlac (palaisdaan) kung saan pwedeng mag hagis ng pinggan sa pader just for the heck of it, ang ihahagis ko ay computer monitor.

thanks God

2006-02-28T09:19:00.000+08:00

my youngest brother, owie, passed the UPCAT. im so happy and excited for him, he'll be studying in Diliman next school year. mabuhay, isa ka ng iskolar ng bayan!

ilang bagay na napulot ko sa peyups para sa mga bagong salta (o di ba, excited talaga ko para sa kapatid ko):

TBA - to be announced. wag magpaloko sa mga ate at kuya. pagaralan ang maps at kits from FOPC at wag itambak.
alamin ang difference ng route ng IKOT at TOKI
tandaan na hindi contrabida ang upperclassmen. they are not out to get you.
kung nagmamadali ka at galing ka ng engg/math tapos papunta ka ng math/engg, walang diff sa oras ang walking at toki. pawisan ka nga lang kung maglalakad ka.
wag tawaging palma hall ang AS para hindi magmukhang nawawala.
masarap sa beach house.
maraming nag memake out sa lagoon.
hindi lahat ng tao ay nakapambahay o mahaba ang buhok.
Matutong makiusap sa professor. Kapag kuwatro, removals lang ang katapat. Usually, ang exam sa removals ay partial coverage lang, kaya it helps kung i-review ang lahat ng pinag-aralan. Pero kapag sa removals, usually the prof will tell you the coverage kasi ayaw ka na rin niyang maging estudyante ka uli.
wag kunin na prof si cases sa PE. lahat ng ka batch ko, nirereklamo nila ang pe nila pag sya ang prof.
Kapag mamimili ng GE/elective, wag lang ibase sa title. Kung kaya makakuha ng information about the subject, by all means, pursue it. Prof, requirements, etc.
At all times, try to graduate on time. Kung magshishift, magshift, ideally, after 1st year para hindi madelay. Kahit na sabihin nilang wala sa course yan, believe me: you have to enjoy what you're learning, and you have to be able to apply it. Para astig at enjoy.
Pag may lumapit sa yo na nag-ask ng "Would you like to go with me to study the Bible?", avoid him/her like the plague.
hindi na tumatayo pag nagrerecite sa klase. Tapos na HS.
sa pagkakaalam ko, mas mahal ng piso (ata) ang turon sa gitna ng AS at FC kaysa sa tapat ng CASAA.
matutong gumawa ng makabuluhang papers. Kung sanay ka sa search net-copy-paste-hocuspocus-print na mga papers, tsk tsk Uwi ka na lang
kapag bumagsak ka ng exam, huwag mong dibdibin, pero huwag mo ring dedmahin. it's not the end of the world. make an effort to do better next time.
sa mga groupwork, wag kang maging sobrang OC, pero wag ka ring maging scum of the universe. your groupmates will resent you for being one or the other.
tanggapin mo na lang na mahabang proseso talaga ang registration.
wag ka ng magsayang ng effort sa STS. greek rin naman ang lalabas sa exam.
may tamad, average, at sobrang ok na students. this also applies to profs.
wag mong isipin na nagiisa ka sa buong UP na hindi pa alam ang gagawin sa buhay na nila. marami kang kasama. kahit graduate na nga meron pa ring hindi pa sure kung ano ang gusto nilang gawin.
magaan lang ang acad load 'pag freshman kaya ang daming free-time para sa ibang activities. problema 'pag hindi mo namalayan na end na pala ng sem tapos finals na. tapos i-ka-cram mo lahat ng natutunan mo in one sem the night before the exam. hindi ito mag-wo-work sa mga science subjects like math 17 or chem 16, for example. in short, iwasang mag-procrastinate. maraming buhay ang sinira nito sa UP.
huwag padala sa peer pressure kung mag jo-join ng org, frat/soro, etc. isiping mabuti kung makakabuti ba talaga sa iyo ang pagsali o hindi. kung hindi mo talaga feel mag-join, panindigan ang pagiging "barbarian" dahil marami rin naman katulad mo. madalas, yung mga barbarians ang mga interesting na tao.

ooooppps... i got carried away. gusto ko na ulit maging estudyante!!!!

random thoughts

2006-02-27T16:44:00.001+08:00

kinausap ang sarili

grace, accept the fact that you can not, did not, and will never be able to please everybody.

learn to wait.

learn to be patient.

stop bickering.

stop longing for attention that is never yours to begin with.

learn to live with the feeling of being ignored.

stop tormenting yourself with worries.

be nice. smile. talk to people. and dont talk to them about your pathetic problems. they have enough of their own.

stop expecting too much.

and most of all, learn to appreciate the little things that you have. you'll be happier.

alone

"She sat on a park bench in a faded navy blue coat, with bread crumbs on her lap and silver sunlight in her hair. Her shoes were worn and dusty, but her bearing was regal. She fed the birds. Everyday. On the same bench. Wearing the same shoes. And the same coat. With the same smile that was never quite on her lips but always glittering as magnificently in her eyes. "

- this is a line from an article in peyups written by choc. her words moved me to tears. really.

to those that i miss the most

2006-02-22T12:38:00.000+08:00

there are some days when you can't help but reminisce the good old times. people who at one point or another had shared a significant part of your life. so here i am, crawling my way through yet another day, thinking of these persons and wishing that somehow, things would be back to the way they used to be.

aby - this is ironic. because she is my housemate. we live in the same house and have rooms next to each other's. i dont know what happened, or how it began but i just realized that i have no idea about her whereabouts lately. every morning, when i leave our apartment, she's sound asleep. and i feel that whenever i catch her at home in the evening, we have nothing to talk about. aby is one of my very best friends. she is the first person i met in college and thru the years, we've been through a lot. i sure hope that whatever it is that is making things uncomfortable will fix itself and that the invisible wall would vanish.

ancar - my official telebabad buddy. whether about love, work, family, food, dates napag uusapan namin nito. simula nung malipat sya ng work, di na kami nakakatelebabad. hehehe. chat na lang, di ba ann. miss na kita girl. as in. hehehe.

gagai - one of the sweetest person i know. very thoughtful, very pretty... san ka pa? kaya madaming biktima yan eh. mag email chat naman tayo minsan para di ko kayo masyado mamiss. sabihin mo sa kanila ha?

gatz - pasulpot sulpot na lang sa ym ang bata. sana ung next office mo dito lang ulit sa tabi tabi. nakakainis ka minsan dahil magulo ang utak mo, pero despite dat, masarap ka rin namang asarin kaya pwede na.

goldie - sino daw? joke lang pare... hehehe. seriously, ano daw? hahaha. miss na kita marie.

ghet - i didnt know i would be close to ghet. para sa kin, high profile sya. hehehe. but then... somewhere in our corporate lives, our path intertwined. and the friendship which started amidst the thesis days rekindled. kelan ka ba manlilibre? miss ko na ang kapraningan mo.

inay - naku ill be lying if i say i dont miss inay. ang kanyang kabaliwan, ang kanyang pag ibig, ang kanyang mga halakhak. how i wish nasa likod ko lang ulit ang table nya. and that everytime i need a good cry, andyan lang sya. love ko si inay.

jake - si master jake, after all these years (parang ang haba na eh noh, well, to be specific, after two years) di pa rin ako nakakalimutan ipop nyan kapag nag online sya. para lang mangumusta. isnt that sweet. kuya ko yan. at alam ko na ipagtatanggol ako nyan pag may nang aaway sa akin. ;)

mabel - my gym buddy, frequent roomate (kapag nagssleep over ako para lang makipag kwentuhan), my constant kadaldalan ng mga problema sa buhay. my friend who is in constant search for the love of her life. i miss her because i love listening to her stories. and yeah, how could i forget, mabel is my forever kainuman. nakilala na nga kami sa nacho-fast dahil sa aming after work inuman sessions eh. dati hindi ako umiinom ng san mig light but with mabel, we could drink by the bucket. namimiss ko na inuman natin, matagal tagal na rin ung last. kelan kaya ulit?

marco - masyado ng busy sa buhay ang bata kaya di ko na masyado napagkikikita. si marco ang nagbibigay sa kin ng pagkain sa office nung ilang cubicles lang ang pagitan namin. sya rin ang kaservice namin ni gatz sa paglalakad mula sa paseo hanggang sa ayala. i miss our endless asaran and kwentuhan after work at ang pagubos nyo ni gatz ng pera ko kasi kain kayo ng kain at nagpapadala naman ako. trivia, si marco ang kaisa isang tao na nakapag pakain sa kin ng beef. malakas topak nyan eh.

mareng joyce - namimiss ko sya. when she's working abroad, nagkakakwentuhan kami. pero ngayon, di na sya nakakapag reply sa email. busy ata ang mare ko. anyway, joyce, i would just like to say, kakamiss ka.

nene - pagnakita mo kami ni nene na magkasama, malalaman mo kung bakit nene ang tawag namin sa kanya. pero pag edad na ang pag uusapan, aba... iba na yan. magbabaliktad na kami ng role, ako na si nene, sya si ate. hehehe. wala akong masabi sa kanya. ibang klaseng kaibigan, kagimikan, kadaldalan. napakabait nito. nakakamiss tuloy. sayang, sana mahaba haba ang kwentuhan natin nung isang araw. oh well, next time ulit.

she - my dear friend who is currently at japan surrounded by people speaking nihonggo (naturally, hehehe). i miss our dinner, starbucks, sleepovers every time she's on vacation from work, the endless stories, the corny jokes, the catching up and everything. she is really busy lately that we dont get to make chika a lot, but still, it amaze me that up to now, we are still in touch and that we could instantly understand how the other feels. she is one of the reasons why i appreciate chat messaging, email exchanges and phone cards so much.

she/marce - kahit madalas kami nag aaway, miss ko na sister ko. sa tarlac na kasi sya naka assign at kung saan saang posh na hotel... 12b1 is not the same without you.

and last but not the least, tantanannan...

junjun - magkasama lang kami kaninang lunch, mga 2 hours ago. magkausap lang kami sa phone. mga 5 mins ago. kaya nakakahiya mang sabihin, miss ko na sya. ang kulit ko noh?

(list intentionally arranged alphabetically...)

ngapala, kung down ka rin kagaya ko today, this might cheer you up. ulan by ~~spongecola~~ cueshe pala.

http://sandbox.deviantart.com/?fileheight=400&filewidth=550&filename=fs9:f/2006/011/b/2/Ulan.swf

with a smile

2006-02-17T09:07:00.002+08:00

parang feel ko mag post ng kanta...

"Lift your head, baby, don't be scared

Of the things that could go wrong along the way

You'll get by with a smile

You can't win at everything but you can try.

Baby, you don't have to worry'

Coz there ain't no need to hurry

No one ever said that there's an easy way

When they're closing all their doors

And they don't want you anymore

This sounds funny but I'll say it anyway."

pag naririnig ko tong kantang to, naiiyak ako.

my eyes hurt

2006-02-13T11:21:00.000+08:00

sa mga magtatanong, nagtatanong, mapapatanong... hehehe... wala kaming date sa V-day. just think of it this way, di kami naniniwala. at sa mga nagtatanong, magtatanong at mapapatanong, happy kami, hehehe. sobra.

my metaphor

2006-02-03T14:11:00.000+08:00

to the greatest gift God had ever blessed me with,

I love you because I can think of no reason not to.

You are my happiness. I could seat in front of my computer for as long as possible and stare at the lifeless screen just to be with you after. I could wake up at the earliest hour in the morning and never complain about it, if it means that we could go home together and laugh and be silly along the way. I could ignore the hurt and the pain that I feel each day trying to find myself in this unkind world, all I need is to keep in mind that you would be by my side.

You complete me. Before I met you, I am just an empty soul, living a clueless and meaningless life. You give me reasons to look forward for each day I live. You bring a smile in my face every time I feel that my world is falling apart. You brighten my day, all you need to do is hold my hand and everything else melts away. You give meaning to everything that I am.

You are my biggest critic. You're the only person to ever tell me that my little attempt at writing is rubbish, and got away with it. You could speak your mind, reckless of how I might feel but surprisingly I would just smile and admire your honesty. At times, you even act as if you're my mom and my dad combined (I'm still a child, remember?), only to make me feel protected and spoiled after a while. How you can endure my endless whine, my insecurities and my uncertainties; and everything that makes me weak never fail to amaze me.

Ironically, you are also my number one fan. You never fail to remind me of your flattering thoughts. And I can do nothing to oppose, because it only gives you more reason to say it over and over again. You could make me believe those, if only I am not the silly pessimist that I am.

You are my star. I admire you. Every time I look at you, I secretly whisper a word of thanks to God for giving me the opportunity to love such a wonderful person. My world seems to be brighter just because you are what you are. You're everything that I ever wanted, everything that I need.

And lastly, I want one you to know one thing: You take my breath away.

try to smile

2006-01-31T15:04:00.000+08:00

pagkatapos ng matagal tagal ring pag susupply ng walang katapusang quotes buhat sa mga kung anu anong website na napagkikikita ko... naisipan kong mag post ng may sense. well, at least, sana nga meron. mahaba haba rin ang aking posting hiatus phase. sinadya ko ito. wala kasing magandang masabi. sabi nga ng lola ko, kung wala kang magandang sasabihin, manahimik ka na lang. tama naman di ba?

naisip ko rin na hindi ako magrereklamo sa entry na to. sawa na ko kakareklamo. nakakapagod din pala. wala man ako sa receiving end, i feel for those people na nagagambala ko sa aking walang katapusang angal sa buhay. kung nababasa nyo to, patawad. and if it is any consolation, just keep in mind that you kept me sane in this whole ordeal. at dahil ekis ang pagrereklamo, this would be something to smile about.

kaya lang, ano bang pwede kong isulat dito na mag ffall sa category na something to smile about? kung kahapon mo ko tinanong, ang sagot ko ay isang malutong na "WALA".

eto tingin mo, pwede na...

pag nagising ka ng alas singko y media ng umaga, chances are, walang traffic papunta sa ayala, at wala ang pagkahaba habang pila. ganyan ang araw ko kaninang umaga. nakakaantok oo, pero sulit sa gaan ng pakiramdam at aliwalas ng daan.

minsan, may mga taong unexpectedly eh makakasabay mo pagpasok. at kahit inaantok ka pa kaya di mo sya agad nakilala... ililibre ka nya. dahil once in a blue moon lang mangyari na may manlibre sa kin sa umaga,exception to the rule si junjun syempre, masarap pala ang feeling.

dahil invisible mode ako pag nasa office, its nice to know na pag di ka nag reply, or di ka nag email, or di ka nagparamdam gaya ng nakaugalian, may maghahanap sa yo. may makakapansin na hindi ka nag open ng outlook. may makaka ramdam na tinamad kang mag reply sa ym. may mga taong may care sa invisible existence mo. can these people be any sweeter?

para saan pa ang cellphone kung wala namang nagtetext? para saan pa ang telepono kung hindi naman nag riring? buti na lang at me makulit akong pinsan na sa sobrang kulit eh kelangan pa kong tawagan ng tawagan para sa ipinapabili nyang dvd. sobrang kulit, pero sweet para sa kin.

if you need a feel good movie that you could watch over and over again try my list: 1 my best friend's wedding, 2 pretty woman, 3 notting hill. arranged according to the most number of times viewed. yah, im so desperate for julia roberts's flick. but these movies never fail to make me feel good despite the fact that practically, i have the script memorized on my my head.

you know how i would define sweet these days? yung paghihintay ng halos dalawang oras bago umuwi. yung constant reminder na compared sa kahit sino, and i mean kahit sino talaga, para sa mga mata nya, ikaw ang pinakamaganda. yung paghihintay habang nagpapakabaliw ako sa pagsusukat ng mga damit kahit na we both know na wala naman akong bibilihin. yung makita ka lang naka smile, nawawala na ang pagod ko at ang sama ng loob ko sa mundo, naglalaho.

buti na lang at naimbento ang email. nakakabawas ng kalungkutan. buti na lang at naimbento ang chat. masarap ang may kakwentuhan. buti na lang at naimbento ang internet. madaming pwedeng basahin. buti na lang at hindi mahigpit ang IT dito sa office. pwede mag install ng kung anu ano. mag download ng kung anu ano. pwede magkalikot ng kung ano ano. just imagine, kung wala ang mga bagay na yan, baka namatay na lang ako dito sa upuan ko sa kabatuhan.

gusto kong magbakasyon. ng mahaba. yung sulit na pahinga. with pay. dream on, ryt? well... pangarap ko yan. to get away from this harsh reality im facing. to be free of every ounce of stupidity this world of mine dictates. plainly, to vanish for a while and gather enough strength to do what i have to do. to make a difference. and to stop saying that there is indeed no choice. sorry, sabi ko bawal ang reklamo di ba? ayan na naman... non-stop talaga ako pag nasimulan.

posting hiatus

2006-01-26T16:47:00.000+08:00

"Like an unfamiliar song, you can hum with all your heart, but you'll never find the words..."

--Close to the End, Mojofly

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good. And some are good struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls and sometimes... All you need is ONE. - One Tree Hill

some musings

2006-01-23T13:56:00.000+08:00

yesterday was a movie marathon day. i watched: a lot like love, prime, con air, nothing hill and forrest gump on dvd. i haven't slouched on the sofa that long for such a long time. but it felt great, being lazy and all without a care in the world.

***

this could maybe summarize how im feeling right now:

"Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments
I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more"

yah, i must admit, I, still am pathetically in love.
***
i'm contemplating on something important and worrisome as of the moment. i hope that all goes well... cause if not, i think i'd go crazy. im making no sense here, ryt. but maybe, somebody would be able to read between the lines.

just another crapped day

2006-01-18T11:54:00.000+08:00

today, i resolve to study oracle. due to some incident that made me itch and left me dumbfounded, i have this adrenaline rush to do something that would lead to regaining my selfworth. i dont have enough of it, why steal the little drops contained in my soul? today, i resolve to have a path. a goal. and im determined to get there when the time comes.

update: winrunner 8.2 na lang pala lang ka-careerin ko. aja, aja fighting!

choices

2006-01-16T14:19:00.000+08:00

i hate this day. its painful. i feel useless. i feel trashed. i feel rather stupid not being able to do anything about it. there are so many things going on in my mind, if only i could sum it all up and put it all down into words. what did i ever do that's so bad to deserve being treated like this? simply put, im just glad this day will finally be over in a few hours.

- - -
is there a room for regret? can we go back in time?

the day i found the quote

2006-01-06T10:00:00.001+08:00

i have watched the movie, "my bestfriend's wedding" a little so many times. there is a quote in this movie that i had been dying to understand for like, forever. its only now that i had the sense to search it @ imdb. so i think i should post it here.

Julianne Potter: I'm pond scum. Well, lower actually. I'm like the fungus that feeds on pond scum.
Michael O'Neill: Lower. The pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum. On the other hand, thank you for loving me that much, that way. It's pretty flattering.
Julianne Potter: Except it makes me fungus.

i really love this movie.

- - -

since it is the new year, i dig thru my mailbox and found another movie quote (i told you i love 'em right?). this one stored almost two years ago. it made me smile, plainly because of the reason i saved it: it hit the bull's eye back then.

From Chasing Amy, a quote from Holden McNeil (Ben Affleck):

"I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly.

You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care.

I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know... I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too.

All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau.

Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of."

i still haven't seen this film yet. i just found the quote while browsing the net. on the side note, that one big decision changed my life. who knows, maybe, forever. i have no regrets. on the contrary, it made me truly happy. in a way i never knew im even capable of feeling. (im blubberring here. )

the day with the credit card headache

2006-01-03T13:45:00.000+08:00

i was listening to a morning rush audio file sent by carol, del mentioned a book she was reading. it was "I love you Ronnie" by Nancy Raegan. It was a collection of love letters sent to and from Ronald Raegan. It was the second time i came accross that book so i searched it at google. And then i found an excerpt. and it was so sweet... i have just read 3 of the letters and i want to melt and be loved by Ronald Raegan forever.

here is an excerpt i found at barnes&noble:

Feb. 14,1977

Dear St. Valentine,

I'm writing to you about a beautiful young lady who has been in this household for 25 years now - come March 4.

I have a request to make of you but before doing so feel you should know more about her. For one thing she has 2 hearts - her own and mine. I'm not complaining. I gave her mine willingingly, and like it right where it is. Her name is Nancy but for some time now I've called her Mommie and don't believe I could change.

My request of you is - could you on this day whisper in her ear that someone loves her very much and more and more each day? Also tell her, this "Someone" would run down like a dollar clock without her so she must always stay where she is.

Then tell her if she wants to know who that "Someone" is to just turn her head to the left. I'll be across the room waiting to see if you told her. If you'll do this for me, I'll be very happy knowing that she knows I love her with all my heart.

Thank you,

"Someone"

- - -

and because i'm feeling so much love right now, and because im such a sucker for romantic movie quotes, here's a top ten episode i transcribed. i wont tell you what the topic is. its for you to find out.

10. i wish it was you. i always wish it was you - you've got mail
9. there are many beautiful things that i will see. but they wont mean a thing if i lose sight of you - at first sight
8. i used to think i was complete until i met you - guess who
7. you are the champion of my heart - cinderella man
6. they say in a relationship there's always one who loves more. god, i hope its not me. - if only
5. baby im going to treat you so nice that you'll never want to let me go. - pretty woman
4. i thought i'd be beautiful. guy: but you are. - shrek
3. show me the money - jerry maguire
2. when you find the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want to start it right away. - when harry met sally
1. i'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else. - wedding date

second batch

10.you always say i fixed you. but thats a complete lie. the truth is, you fixed me. -lost
9.i want all of you forever. you and me everyday. - the notebook
8.i keep my friends close, but my enemies, closer. - blade
7.i love you from the bottom of my heart to the tip of my p*s - the ruling class;do you promise to stop the dangerous sperm build up of this guy? - the long weekend
6.mahal kita. sobra. - lorna tolentino and richard gomez
5.you do things that make my eyes close. - saving private ryan
4.im not interested in you damn, vag*a. - the bachelor
3.my bounty is as boundless as the sea. my love as deep. the more i give to thee the more i have for both are infinite. romeo and juliet
2.no matter what it takes, you cannot walk away from love. - original sin
1.i finally get what this is all about. im 63 yrs old and im in love for the first time in my life. - something's gotta give

third batch

10.its nothing personal. just business. - the godfather
9.you're the only makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. - hotchick
8.its only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reason can be found. - a beautiful mind
7.you are the most beautiful part of my everyday. - the unfaithful
6.i will make you fall in love with me every single day. - 50 first dates
5.beginning are usually scary and endings are usually sad. its the middle thats usually important.
4.eternal life without you is no life at all - lovestruck
3.ill cut your nails. ill wash your hair. ill give you a bath. sleep tight my dear, ill be here when you wake up - talk to her
2. i dont know what i'd do if i lost you. id probably get over you and be okay, but for ten minutes, id be a complete mess. - austin powers2
1. you are everything id never knew i wanted. - fools rush in
chico - good things come even late in life - under the tuscan sun
delamar - only the deepest kind of love will induce me to matrimony. you are the true love of my life that's why im here saying i do. - pride and prejudice

the last working day of the year whoohooh!

2005-12-29T08:57:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to my most favorite person in the whole world. thanks for being who you are.

---

we were at the world pyroolympics last night at the Esplanade. I was really excited, i love fireworks - always thought of them as hundreds of fireflies falling off from the sky when i was a kid. It was breathtakingly amazing. The 20 minute and so fireworks display accompanied by the ooohsss and aaahhhss of the crowd was worth the long walk and the long wait and all the pleas till i finally got jun to agree to go. We had only watched one part, Russian Federation's and it was amazing. I just wish that the sky would be as colorful on new year's eve (good luck). It must have cost a million to prepare such an event.

As kate said, "because everyone's doing it.". here's mine:

The year-end survey

What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
shop like crazy and charge everything to visa. that night, i thought im gonna be sick. i mean, i couldn't believe it happened.

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i dont remember what my new year's resolution was. so this year, im not making one.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
nope. my friend rona is on her 9th month of pregnancy though.

What countries did you visit?
none. though now im thinking, when will i be able to?

What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
a stable job

What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
december 2. someone will probably understand why. :)

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

being completely independent; learning to be kuripot

What was your biggest failure?
leaving a job that i love for another job that proves to be impossibly idle.

Did you suffer illness or injury?
nope. surprisingly, i only got a flu once and that's it.

What was the best thing you bought?
The 10 season of Friends DVDs i started collecting and junjun finished.

Whose behavior merited celebration?
si daps. he almost always never thinks of himself. im always amazed of what a wonderful person he is.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
someone. i hate his guts.

Where did most of your money go?
bills. my younger brother's allowance.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
so many things. most of which, with junjun.

What song(s) will always remind you of 2005?
MYMP revivals, all those Cueshale (Cueshe+Hale) songs, all of Halina sa Parokya songs by Parokya ni Edgar

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? -- Happier.
ii. thinner or fatter? -- Fatter. :-( i must do something about it. ;)
iii. richer or poorer? -- Richer.

What do you wish you'd done more?
i really dont know. maybe, having fun moments with friends at my present job. im growing to be a loner. maybe it has something to do with being depress of having nothing to do. (sounds redundant). this is a different kind of stress. something that roots from a lot of nothingness 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. mahirap magpanggap.

What do you wish you'd done less of?
being alone with myself specially at the office.

How many one-night stands?
None.

What was your favorite TV program?
i didn't get to watch t.v. a lot this year. although, i also got hooked on pinoy big brother. and c.s.i. i also love this year's fad, koreanovelas. loved save the last dance for me, lovers in paris and chunyang. :)

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
yes i do. but then, i only knew him this year.

What was the best book you read?
the prince and the pauper, the little prince,jonathan livingston seagull and the chronicles of Narnia. (i had only read the first of the series so far. i hope to finish it all soon.)

What was your greatest musical discovery?
hmm...not that into music

What did you want and get?
harry potter book 6. it was a dream to get it on the day of its world wide release. my prince made it come true.

What was your favorite film of this year?
mr. and mrs. smith. why? i dont know, maybe because i love beatiful people killing each other... hahaha.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
23. i was with junjun. nothing big. we just dined out and my friends from my previous work "surprised"-ly showed up with gifts and all. and yeah, i brought 4 dozens of gonuts-donuts at the office.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
im happy for everything that happened so far.aha, i know. a more fulfilling job.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
being the anti-fashion person that i am, i think i made a progress this year. thanks to my sistahs (aby and she) and to my ever loving and ultimate sponsor (jun) , im not that much of a tshirt with anything goes girl that i was.

What kept you sane?
jun

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Phoebe Buffay. She is so carefree. She can say what she thinks however weird it is. I admire her fashion sense. She is crazy yet everyone loves her for being crazy.

What political issue stirred you the most?
i hate politics. period.

Who did you miss?
my lola and lolo. i didnt have much time to go to the province much.

Who was the best new person you met?
a lot of people. among them, ancar, my former officemate whom i got to be really close this past few months because of our similarities (read: relationship insecurities). inay, also a former officemate. i love her, her crazy stories about her life, her all-smile face, and her motherly love! hahahah. peace tayo inay. gigi, my new-found friend slash officemate slash seatmate slash teamate. we share the same angst and dilemmas. jackie, a very thoughtful friend with the same sentiments about clothes, height, jeans, make ups as mine. racs, my lunchmate and dear friend and kasama kung saan saan. the barkads here at the office namely syel, baja, carol, chelai, patchu, kuya romy, larry, jerome, jeff... they accepted me to their group with open arms. im glad to have found them.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:
1) God knows what's best
2) Loving someone with all your heart is the greatest feeling there is. But being loved by that someone surpass everything else.

3) To everything there is a reason.

4) Sometimes, you'll get tired of waiting.

5) "One runs the risk of weeping a little if he lets himself be tamed" the little prince

What was the nicest thing someone told you:
"you are the cuteness reincarnated" - jun

"mahirap ang buhay pero ang buhay masaya kapag may kaibigang kasama"(or something to that effect) - mabel

"salamat sa pagpapagalit, it keeps me sane" - she

"hindi ka na mukhang bangag" - ramil serrano

What did you like most about yourself this year?

less of a worry freak; mejo nabawasan na rin ang pagiging afraid of things happening for the first time.

What did you hate most about yourself this year?

not being able to control myself sometimes

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
eto sakto:

"Huwag kang matakot na matulog mag-isa Kasama mo naman ako Huwag kang matakot na umibig at lumuha Kasama mo naman ako Huwag kang matakot Huwag kang matakot Dahil ang buhay mo’y walang katapusan Makapangyarihan ang pag-ibig Na hawak mo sa iyong kamay Ikaw ang Diyos at hari ng iyong mundo Matakot sila sa ‘yo"

(yikes naiiyak ako...hehehe)

Was 2005 a good year for you?
yes. despite some anxieties here and there, i can say i was blessed.

What was your favorite moment of the year?
walking, going everywhere with jun. then having all the kakulitans on the way there.

What was your least favorite moment of the year?
sa work: this last three months. parang nabobobo na ko dahil sa trabaho. darn!

sa bahay: was it august? when my mom was always negating my relationship with jun.

Where were you when 2005 began?
Batangas

Who were you with?
with my family

Where will you be when 2005 ends?
Batangas

Who will you be with when 2005 ends?
with my family

Do you have a new years resolution for 2006?
as ive said, i wont make any. i tend to forget it.

What was your favorite month of 2005?
December.

Did you lose anybody close to you in 2005?
nope.

Did you miss anybody in the past year?
yes. corny as it sounds, i always miss jun when we are not together. yeah, smile as silly as you want. all i can say is, it's true.

What was your favorite record from 2005?

halina sa parokya - parokya ni edgar

ultraelectromagnetic jam - eraserheads

How many concerts did you see in 2005?
none. not really into it.

Did you drink a lot of alchohol in 2005?
yes. with mabel.we had a lot of alcohol trips. i finally learned to drink san mig light. always with a soda. and with aby one time. i nver got drunk, not even once though.

Do a lot of drugs in 2005?
no.

You do anything you are ashamed of this year?
i think yes.

How much money did you spend in 2005?
a lot. some figure which would definitely make my head ache when i finally am able to sum it all up.

What was your proudest moment of 2005?
being offered a position in my previous company despite the fact that they know that im leaving.

If you could go back in time to any moment of 2005 and change something, what would it be?
its a secret.

What are your plans for 2006?
initiate changes

How are you different now that the year has ended?
workwise, im fighting the urge and the frustrations.

What are your wishes for the new year?
for everyone i love to be happy.

christmas '05

2005-12-27T08:48:00.000+08:00

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons.
It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags.
And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store.
What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”

- Dr. Seuss

the day of gift giving and the beginning of weekend getaway

2005-12-16T16:03:00.000+08:00

Huwag Kang Matakot
Eraserheads

INTRO
Huwag kang matakot‘

Di mo ba alam nandito lang ako

Sa iyong tabi‘

Di kita pababayaan kailanman

At kung ikaw ay mahulog sa bangin

Ay sasaluhin kita

CHORUS

Huwag kang matakot na matulog mag-isa

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot na umibig at lumuha

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot
Huwag kang matakot

Dahil ang buhay mo’y walang katapusan

Makapangyarihan ang pag-ibig

Na hawak mo sa iyong kamay

Ikaw ang Diyos at hari ng iyong mundo

Matakot sila sa ‘yo

[Repeat CHORUS 1 except last line]
CHORUS 2

Huwag kang matakot na magmukhang tanga

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot sa hindi mo pa makita

Kasama mo naman ako

Huwag kang matakot

Aahhhah
[Repeat CHORUS 1]
Huwag kang matakot (huwag kang matakot)‘

Di kita pababayaan kailanman

[Repeat till fade]

(The Music of Eraserheads "UltraElectroMagnetic Jam" rocks. thanks to khyrone for the cd.)

the day when i dont really care

2005-12-06T17:06:00.000+08:00

i love Pom poko

I was at Metrowalk last night to return a DVD we bought, "The Rock". I was not really looking for anything in particular to buy for myself since I’m trying to cut my expenses due to the fact that it is barely 3 weeks to go before Christmas. (the season comes with all kinds of spending and gift giving). So I was there, browsing thru stall 10E’s DVD titles looking for the movie list misyel asked me to buy for her. I love the stands at metro walk since they have old movies in very good quality and very affordable prices to choose from. After my job is done, I roamed around some more till I found a stall of interesting Korean movies. There, I discovered Studio Gibli and Ms Cathy, the storelady who amazingly knew what she is selling.

So that’s how, two hours after, I was watching Pom-poko, a Japanese cartoon movie (think Disney flicks only from Japan) about raccoons or Tanukis. Pom-poko is produced by Studio Ghibli and directed by Isao Takahata,one of Japan's greatest anime director. Pompoko, as I have discovered from Google and Nausicaa, is Japan's submission for the 1995 foreign-language Oscar. This movie is different for me, meaning, I don’t have any expectation and I haven’t read any good reviews, plus no friend of mine claimed it is good, heck, i dont even understand a word written on the cover-in other words, i have no idea what i had until i pressed the Play button. However, after a few minutes on the screen… I became fascinated by the movie’s plot. It was entertaining and sometimes hilarious yet politically metaphoric.

The story is about a clan of Tanukis or raccoons living in a large empty house that used to belong to humans. Initially, they were delighted to inhabit their find however, they found out later why the house is empty… nearby a construction development site is underway. Forced to live with limited resources, the Tanukis fought with each other for survival. However, an older Tanuki, proclaimed that fighting will not solve their problem and that they have to think of a way on how to stop the construction that man has begun. The next scenes deal with the strategies that the Tanukis learned. The have the capability to transform into another thing or even as a human and the young Tanukis were taught on the proper way to do this. Most of the tricks they learned and do are hilariously funny. They go on scaring humans by pretending to be ghosts and pretending to be spirits of the deities until one human-transformed wolf talked to them about living as humans do. The Tanukis, taking his advice, learned to live as humans do.

This is a really good film. Unlike your typical disney movies, the story is never dragging nor is it too fantasized. " Pom Poko" narrates the plot of environmental conservation issues with humor and wisdom. This is a good film to watch and certainly, I’ll be hunting for Studio Ghibli film more from now on.

---

did i really say in one my previous post that i got tired of lurking at peyups? well, i take it all back. id like to say thanks to peyups and all the great people there for keeping me sane during this i-hate-the-fact-that-i- have-nothing-to-do month. i have visited every single forum (except for sex and intimacy which is locked, you know) and found really interesting topics. My profile had even been promoted to the next level. Can you believe that's how engrossed I am? I compiled the lines below from the words to live by thread. I think I have to read and reread these stuff for the words to sink in.

1.Contentment is not fulfillment of what you wish but the appreciation of what you have.

2.Fight the fight that needs fighting, and not because you can win.

3.Put yourself in the other guy's shoes.

4.HAPPINESS is a state of mind.

5.LIFE is all about risks and it requires you to jump!

6.Everything happens for a reason.

7.Fate does not seek our consent
8.Life sucks... deal with it.
9.The saddest part of life is when you start seeing the bigger picture.
10.Don't screw up the best thing that ever happened to you just because you're a little unsure about who you are
11.Anyone who angers you, conquers you.
12.One broken dream is not the end of dreaming.
13.Most men fail through lack of purpose
14.You can't have everything.
15.His will is more powerful than yours.
16.Look at the little things you have in your life and make the most out of them.

the day with the webinar

2005-12-01T11:38:00.000+08:00

being invisible

No one can see me. They can walk right through me and they’ll never know what hit them. (or if something did hit). I could watch them from a distance, they wont get the uncomfortable feeling of being stared at. I could monitor their activities, gawk over their shoulders without risking the chance of getting caught. I could do whatever I want to, daring the naughtiest of thing I could ever think of. And no one would care.

But despite the thrill of living my life as I wish without the agony of morality trailing behind my back, I’d be incomplete. Like a body searching its soul. Like a Juliet waiting in vain for her Romeo. I have the capacity to see the beauty surrounding my existence. But no one to share it with. I would have the ears to listen to the pleas of misery. But no capacity to make a difference. I would have the immortal power any person would be crazy to have. But what good would it be?

_ _ _

just a thought: "love makes the wildest spirit tame and the tamest spirit wild"

_ _ _

Patti LaBelle & Joss Stone's

Stir It Up Lyrics

(from chicken little)

"I can't sit here while I go nowhere

Chase my dreams through the polluted air

Walking on a wire, running out of time

There's no room in this ol' heart of mine

Bill collectors waiting down the hall

Neighbors scream and crack the bedroom wall

Nerves jump off the pavement, passion hits the street

Angels cookin' in the city heat

World's too crazy, I can't take no more

I won't stay here locked behind the door

Baby, stir it up, got to break it up now

When I think about tomorrow, ooh, I can't wait to

Stir it, got to shake it up now

If I have to beg or borrow, I'm not gonna take it anymore,

mmm, mmm

Hungry minds do stare you in the eyes

Spread it thick and lay the biggest lies

Don't say what you feel, must play hard to get

All those time bombs tickin' in your head

So much pressure to keep holdin' on

Pack my clothes up, baby, I'll be gone

I've got to stir it up, got to break it up now..."

(here's the complete lyrics)

the day when i started eating chicken sandwich for lunch

2005-11-14T14:39:00.000+08:00

SONNET
by Neil Gaiman

I don’t think that I’ve been in love as such,
Although I liked a few folk pretty well.
Love must be vaster than my smiles or touch,
For brave men died and empires rose and fell
For love: girls followed boys to foreign lands
And men have followed women into Hell.

In plays and poems someone understands
There’s something makes us more than blood and bone
And more than biological demands...
For me, love’s like the wind, unseen, unknown.
I see the trees are bending where it’s been,
I know that it leaves wreckage where it’s blown.
I really don’t know what “I love you” means.
I think it means “Don’t leave me here alone.”

---
naiyak ako dito... :(
---

meanwhile, in other news, malapit na ang Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire.sana maganda sya. here are some links to the reviews i read so far. i hope this movie will surpass the first three. i had been meaning to re read book four, i think i need to refresh my mind with the story's details, however i failed to get across a soft copy(word/pdf doc specifically) as of this writing. ill read it after watching the movie. my very kind cubicle-mate-in-the-office agreed to lend me her copy after she's done with it.
---
p.b.b. is becoming a little too dragging. kuya is becoming a little too annoying. the housemates are becoming a bore. apologies for the pbb loyalists reading this.
---
i like craig david's Dont Love You No More. Very cute melody.
---

*currently feeling: drumbeats on my chest
*currently listening to: random music from internally shared folders here in the office
*currently reading: random blogs
*looking forward for: another shot of starbucks hot coffee(im collecting stamps for the planner ;)

the day when there was no traffic at all and i wasn't even dreaming

2005-11-04T18:08:00.000+08:00

5 simple reasons why life is beautiful

1.a beautiful moon while looking for my wishing star
2.chocolates and sweets (galing sa kanya)
3.hugs and kisses (galing pa rin sa kanya)
4.umungkot sa sunken garden
5.isang mahimbing at mahabang tulog

***
You know those days when life seems to be full of surprises? Yesterday, I had something to smile about. I got an article published in peyups… I have to take that back, I didn’t actually wrote Of Mountains and Broken Sunsets. But it appeared under my peyups nick, so I shared pride with the real author who, I was warned, chose to remain anonymous. I really like her piece. It was sweet and lovely even if her story was movingly sad. Let me share with you my favorite line:

“A friend once told me that you don’t catch butterflies with a net. You wait patiently for it to come to you. If you’re lucky enough to have one, hold it in a way it could freely spread its wings. No matter how you want to keep them on your hand, you can’t. Butterflies have wings, they need to fly.”

***

Mga bagay na natutuhan ko sa buhay

.: ang pag ibig parang caramel frappe ng starbucks. Nakaka adik.
.: ang buhay parang buto. Kelangang maulanan, maarawan, mabagyuhan at mabahaan bago mapakinabangan.
.: ang pera parang gulong. gumugulong ng gumugulong.
.: may mga taong parang pila sa mrt. Habang humahaba, lalong nakakainit ng ulo.
.: may mga pangarap na parang buwan. mahirap abutin.
.: may mga kaibigang parang shooting star. one in a million.
.: may mga problemang parang lamok. maliit pero makirot ang kagat.
.: may mga init ng ulong parang buhos ng ulan. Kelangan mong hintaying humupa.
.: may mga lugar na parang treasure box. puno ng matatamis na ala ala.
.: may mga problemang parang hit songs na nakakarindi na sa tenga sa sobrang exposure. lilipas din yan.
.: may mga luhang parang maiitim na ulap. Bukas lang, maglalaho na.
.: may mga away na parang siopao na walang sauce. In other words, walang kwenta.

the day after the long weekend

2005-11-03T10:26:00.000+08:00

DON'T GO FAR OFF, NOT EVEN FOR A DAY

Don't go far off, not even for a day, because -- because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because then the little drops of anguish will all run together, the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach; may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance. Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,

because in that moment you'll have gone so far I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking, Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

^_^

If You Forget Me

I want you to know one thing.

You know how this is: if I look at the crystal moon, at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window, if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash or the wrinkled body of the log, everything carries me to you, as if everything that exists, aromas, light, metals, were little boats that sail toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly you forget me do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad, the wind of banners that passes through my life, and you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots, remember that on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms and my roots will set off to seek another land.

But if each day, each hour, you feel that you are destined for me with implacable sweetness, if each day a flower climbs up to your lips to seek me, ah my love, ah my own, in me all that fire is repeated, in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten, my love feeds on your love, beloved, and as long as you live it will be in your arms without leaving mine.

the day after watching my sassy girl (again)

2005-10-27T15:15:00.000+08:00

my-most-loved-movie of all time

I am officially the most pathetically-romantic person there is. Mga dalawang dosenang beses ko na napanood ang My Sassy Girl. If you’d look at my friendster profile, you’ll see na hindi ko magawang idelete yung mga sassy girl picture dun. Naikalat ko na rin addiction ko sa lahat ng kakilala ko. Subalit, sa dalawang dosenang beses, naiyak pa rin ako, at take note, this time tagalog na ito. Praning di ba?

Eto ang kwento kung paano ko na discover. Sometime during my last year in college, umuwi ako sa batangas. Dati kasi, usually umuuwi ako Friday night then balik ako sa Manila Monday morning. Hinahatid ako ng lolo ko sa sakayan and at around 630 am, nasa ayala na ko. That time, nakasakay ako ng bus ng maaga, mga 4 am. It was one of those rare moments kung saan interesting ung movie na nag pplay sa t.v. nung bus (kadalasan mga tagalog action flicks nina cesar montano, eddie Garcia and FPJ ang trip ng mga konduktor). Mandarin film yung nakasalang and subtitled yung pelikula kaya as expected karamihan sa mga tao sa loob ng bus ay mahimbing na natutulog. But I was glued to the screen. There was this beautiful girl killing in the most impressive way everyone that got in her way with The Carpenter’s “Close to You” in the back ground. Astig kasi yung cinematography saka ang galing galing din ng plot. The movie was actually So Close starring Qi Shu, Vicki Zhao, Karen Mok. At the end of the movie, I was crying really loud and blowing my nose so hard that the guy who shared my seat chose to transfer in a seat as far away from me as possible. Katulad ng ibang movies and books na nagustuhan ko, I couldn’t stop talking about it. Kaya yun, kinwento ko sya sa mga thesis mates ko, sa mga kaklase ko, at sa kapatid ko. It’s remarkable to note that in terms of movies, books, novels and tv series, my sister and I have exactly the same taste. And in terms of everything else, sobrang magkaiba kami.

A few months after that, she sent me a text message saying that she had watched so close and it was really good. She also added, “Ate, hanap mo yung sassy girl, ang ganda ganda din”. So that was when it all happened, the rest as they say, is history. I became the movie’s number one fan. Nagkatoon kasi nun, si mabel meron syang copy ng My Sassy Girl and she said she would give me a copy. Astig sya. At simula nga nun, ayan, isa na kong sassy girl addict. Ewan ko ba. I really find the movie way too cute. Nung hindi pa kami ni yabs ko, I cry everytime na mapapanood ko sya kasi parang ganun din situation namin. We are always together. We have so much fun just talking to each other. We never talk about how we feel. Tapos, I was afraid na baka mangyari din sa min yun, bigla na lang mag hiwalay out of the blue. Kaya iyak ako ng iyak everytime na mapapanood ko sya. Sabi nga ni she, "grays i know kung bakit mo gusto yung my sassy girl , eh ikaw yan eh. kwento mo yan." Kaya lang, after maging kami, eh di hindi na ko nakaka relate kay gyun woo… pero umiiyak pa rin ako! I just really find the movie so lovely, I cant help it. Ang galing galing talaga nung nagsulat nung book na yun.Pati na rin yung gumawa ng movie. But most of all, mahal ko na si gyun woo. Dakila sya. He did everything for the one he loves. Pero mas mahal ko si yabs ko, I feel as if I have my gyun woo with me everytime na kasama ko sya. (if you're reading this, di hamak na mas gwapo ka kesa sa kanya) ;) Pangarap kong magkaroon ng copy nung book kung merong English version. Isa pang pangarap, kapag meron akong kakilalang magagawi sa hongkong, magpapabilli ako ng original DVD ( an idea inspired by a fellow addict – misyel). At to tell you honestly, if right at this moment, i get hold of a copy ng my sassy girl on my hands papanoorin ko pa rin sya. And for sure, maiiyak na naman ako.

Yan din ang dahilan kung bakit nahilig ako sa mga Korean movies and series. Ang gagaling kasi ng mga movies ng mga koreano. Magaling silang mag present ng story. After Sassy Girl, I’ve grown to love quiete a number of Korean movies too.

Ehehehe… If you love watching movies and you haven’t watch My Sassy Girl, you should watch it. Otherwise, you’ll be missing something great. And if like me, you’ll find this movie good enough, sunod mong panoorin yung Windstruck then Lover’s Concerto. Trust me, they’re amazing.

Just a thought, they should be paying me for advertising this movie so much, right? (",)

the day with the power nap...

2005-10-20T14:56:00.000+08:00

random thoughts

the monotony of it all. yan ang madalas status ni she sa ym... hahaha. at lately, yan din ang nararamdaman ko. paulit ulit. pachamba ng pachamba. ni wala akong idea kung ano ba talaga ang dapat kong gawin or kung meron ba talagang katuturan ang mga pinagagagawa ko. hindi ko rin naman maintindihan ang sarili ko. pag mahirap at ginagamitan ng utak ang ginagawa ko, nag papanic ako. natutuliro. at napapraning. pag madali, reklamo pa rin. ano ba talaga? basta, ang motto ko ngayon, gawin ang nararapat. gawin ang ipinagagawa. gawin ang kelangang gawin. at the end of the day, magkaproblema man, at least, ginawa mo. ang labo na naman ng mga pinagsasasabi ko.

*-*

recently, mejo nag lie-low na ko sa peyups. dati kasi nasobrahan ako sa pagiging adik. kahit na articles na 10 yard deep ng nakabaon, hinuhukay ko. lalo na pag mga tungkol sa love. sucker ako sa mga nakaka inlove na article na pinopost nila. bakit biglang nagiba ang ikot ng mundo? may dalawang rason, una, napagtanto ko na mas madaming pwedeng basahin sa on line journals. mas cool kapag kakilala mo yung nagsulat. mas masaya pa lalo kung nakaka relate ka sa mga pinagsasasabi nila. at pangalawa, last time na bumisita ako sa forums, kung saan hindi ko tinigilan hanggat hindi nag chchange ang status ko from newbie to probie to member, may weird akong naramdaman. hindi na ako masyado nakaka relate sa buhay up at tambayan threads. wala na akong alam sa mga terror prof. hindi na rin big deal sa akin ang madalas na pagpalya ng crs. in short, tumatanda na ata ako. at eto pa... kung dati, relationships at maroon mania ang paborito kong forum hang out, ngayon... tantadadaaan.... life after up na. oh my god... that's when i realized that indeed, i have grown up. kaya lang, nak-ng...ang pinag uusapan naman sa life after up na forum: bistuhan ng student number, saan napupunta ang sweldo, bakit ka nag oovertime... kaya ayan, mejo matagal tagal na rin akong hindi bumibisita sa peyups. occasionally, ,i'd drop by. i checheck ko lang kung may magandang front page article na naka post. if anything catch my attention, ang saya ko. kasi usually, wala. sadness.

*-*

sarap mag sound trip. pero mas masarap matulog ng 30 mins after lunch break. sabi nga ng commercial ng master card. priceless.

currently listening to: westside - tQ
currently feeling: awake > it rarely happens (:P)

the day with my 3rd client

2005-10-19T11:40:00.000+08:00

yesterday, we were talking about the sound of music and the songs in the movie's soundtrack. den surprised me this morning with a copy of the cd. here is one of my favorites, my favorite things, sung by julie andrews when the von trap kids were all scared by lightning... i still have a couple of old movies that i'd like to see. i hope that i'd bump into a copy of Gone with the Wind and Casablanca one of these days. i remember during highschool when i was still hooked with teen fictions (yep, sweet valey, rl stein, sweet dreams, love stories... you name it), these two movies are almost always mentioned. but until now, i havent had the chance to see them.

*-*

halloween is drawing near... and with it comes a number of spooky emails and web site with horror stories, sounds and pictures. im not much of a horror freak, i dont even believe in ghost. with the numerous forwarded messages and links sent to me, lately, i realized that frightening photographs do me more scare and give me more goosebumps than a two-hour-scary-movie. especially when the pictures were taken in places im familiar with..

*-*

i read this plot issue of pinoy big brother saying that cass, uma and sam did not audition to be part of the show and that uma and cass are predetermined to be the final two survivors. if you ask me if it could be true? yes, of course there is a possibility. but if that is the case, i think the management, producers and directors of the series made a BIG mistake. and i also think that it would be really disappointing given the popularity that the reality t.v. show has gained. enough said.

*-*

i'm staring into empty space again.

mood: numb

listening to: so long, farewell

looking forward: being saved from this monotony (by my hero? hehehe (:D)

My Favorite things

(by: Julie Andrews)

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens,
brown paper packages tied up with strings,
these are a few of my favorite things.

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels,
door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles.
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings.
these are a few of my favorite things.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes,
snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes,
silver white winters that melt into springs,
these are a few of my favorite things.

When the dog bites, when the bee stings,
when I'm feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.

the day when im awfully lazy

2005-10-18T14:18:00.000+08:00

hay naku... nakakatamad. ewan ko ba pero para akong uminom ng lazy antidote ngayong araw na to. sobrang inaantok talaga ko. malupet. may mga new teamates kami at isa sa kanila ay isang math prof sa up. nagulat ako. i asked him kung anong subject yung tinuro nya dati, he said math 53. tapos... whoah... naisip ko bigla, buti na lang hindi ko sya naging prof sa tatlong beses kong pag take ng intro to calculus (yep, a.k.a. math 53). isipin mo na lang kung si gadia (ang butihing math 17 prof ng block namin na naging dahilan kung bakit 20% lang yata sa block ang nagtuloy ng compsci) or si abarra yung naging officemate ko. scary iimagine di ba.

tinatamad talaga ko. sana bukas na...para makita ko na sya. oa na kung oa pero namimiss ko na talaga sya.

by the way, here's a picture of me and my sister(she) last night. napadaan sya sa office.

i found this while blog hopping and i find it really cute. :)

1. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovated maneuvers.Can’t teach an old dog new tricks.
2. Scintillate, scintillate, asteroids minified.Twinkle, twinkle little star. (my favorite!)
3. Members of an avian species of an identical plumage congregate.Birds of the same feather flock together.
4. Surveillance should precede saltation.Look before you leap
5. Pulchritude possesses sole cutaneous profundity.beauty is (but/only) skin deep
6. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitantly departed lacteal fluid.No use crying over spilled milk.
7. Freedom from incrustation of grime is continguous to rectitude.Cleanliness is next to godliness?
8. The stylus is more potent than the claymore.The pen is mightier than the sword.
9. Eschew the implement of correction and vititae the scion.Spare the rod, spoil the child
10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not reach 212 degrees.A watched pot never boils.
11. All articles that coruscate with respllendance are not truly suritorous.all that glitters is not gold
12. Where there are visible vapors having their prevalence in ignited carbonaceous material, there is conflagration.Where there’s smoke there’s fire.
13. Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.Beggars can’t be choosers
14. Eleemonsynary deeds have their incipience intramurally.Charity begins at home
15. Male cadavers are incapable of yielding any testimony.Dead men tell no tales.
16. Neophyte’s serendipity.Beginners’ luck.
17. A revolving lithic conglomerae accumulates no congeries of a small bryophtic plant.A spinning stone gathers no … mold? moss?
18. The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possesses thereby the optimal cachinnation.He who laughs last laughs best
19. Abstention from any aleatory undertaking precludes a potential escalation of a lucrative nature.No guts no glory
20. Persons of imbellic mentality divagate inparameter which cherubic entities approach with trepidation.Fools rush in where angels fear to tread

...and i found another quiz...

You're Katherine "Kiki" Harrison
(Julia Roberts - 'America's Sweethearts')

Always the shoulder to cry on, you try to juggle
the lives of those you care about while
battling with your own. You have a beautiful
smile, a wonderful sense of humor and charming
wit, but often go unnoticed. Too many times
others get the spotlight, but that's ok by you.
You don't need the limelight, you just want
that special someone to recognize you for the
loveable and loving person you are.

You're booksy, artsy, and creative. You prefer
toned down, subdued classic clothing to express
your personality.

You do have a hard time expressing yourself
outwardly, and often turn to some 'thing' for
comfort, while you carry the brunt on your
shoulders.

You're ambitious and professional and succeed at
everything you tackle.

All in all, you're the rock.

Which Romantic Comedy Heroine Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

photography 101

2005-10-15T15:56:00.000+08:00

on the way to puerto galera.

this is one of my lola's flowers in bloom. picture taken at bagong pook san jose batangas. home sweet home.

this was taken from subic. actually aby and marc took the picture. i just added the effects. :)

trapped

the saturday i was at the office

2005-10-15T13:33:00.000+08:00

I few days ago, I asked a friend to visit this site, and you know what he said? "What's up with it? its full of korean people images and anime graphics but you dont have any recent pic or anything.i still have no idea of how you are these days." I told him, Nahihiya kasi ako... :) (hehehe). So i decided to post a pic, due to public demand, ehem!).

yup, hindi sya kagandahan. kinda boring and stiff actually. well, as you can see, there's really no one else in this floor. occasionally, the guard would stroll by. that's about all, i have all this office space to myself today.

because i could ask no one to take my pic, i just tried my luck with the self timer option of cybershot. it's not that bad ryt? considering that the camera was seating on top of my cpu at the time i took this picture.

i'm gonna watch c.s.i. season 3 that i borrowed from jackie as soon as i get home later. im so excited. yabsi has to work on weekends so until any change on their schedule materialize, i need to think of ways to keep myself occupied on my rest days. otherwise... i'm gonna miss him and rant about it like a fool. i just wish he knows how much i love him... ;)

the day with a bag of mr chips from eggpie

2005-10-14T17:02:00.000+08:00

what the heck am i doing?

i'm always depressed the day after every payday. this never fails. suddenly, i'm longing for the time in the distant pass when my allowance came from my mom and my scholarship. and most of the time, i find myself recounting the things that i planned to have or to buy or to get (by the time i have a job) and now, officially, failed to do so. then, this is also the time, when i will tell myself that in reality things were not that easy. if only i knew. i wouldnt have planned, that way it would be less painful to realize the failure.

i look painfully at my payslip, knowing that a big chunk of what i earned will go straight to bills, payables and a number of responsibilities i wont bore you with. what
would be left would sustain my allowance for the remaining days until the next pay comes. Usually, i end up with nothing but more stuff to pay for the next month's salary. pathetic right? and all along i thought that having a nice paying job doing something i like in a nice office environment in one of ayala's most prominent high rise would suffice my needs. dream on.

having a very limited resource taught me a lot of things. mind you, i think i grew up a lot during the two years that i had begun my career as a corporate slave.

i learned how valuable a stored value mrt card in your wallet is. aside from the obvious reason of saving you from the torment of the endless line in the ticket booth, it keeps you in tact for the harder battle ahead: getting into the train without being kicked, punched or wounded. it also ensures you of at least 8 mrt rides which theoretically reduce the sky-high fare you have to allot in your daily living allowance.

i became more observant. i began to notice small details in my daily routines which normally i would just ignore. i noticed the poor situation of our roads. i took pity on the traffic aid that endures all the perspiration and heat controlling the flow of the vehicles around him. i began to hate traffic having to suffer with it each and everyday. i blame the government for the shameful condition of street people lurking on the pedestrians. as the little prince said, "i began to think like a grown up."

i became a little too practical to the point of being frugal. i learned to be a selective buyer. i despise 7-11 for the gruesome prices they put on their goods. i learned to buy only the things that are totally necessary. i cringe of having to pay 150 bucks for a meal. i push myself to wake up early in the morning to prepare my lunch rather than going on the fast food chains everyday. i reserve my cravings for group lunch or once in a while hook ups with friends. i learned to appreciate walking from our office to ayala mrt station (less traffic, and its free). i learned how to control the urge of buying books or dvds. i could enumerate more but i guess you got the idea.

i learned that sometimes, you need to leave everything up to chance. in a corporate environment, like everywhere else for that matter, it is impossible to please everybody. the people you would meet would be different from you or anyone else you know. you need to be prepared on how to interact and deal with them. most of the times, everything just fall out of your control.

in the end, only true friends and your family will be around. there is no guarantee whatsoever if you could keep the people you meet as friends. Most of the times, they just fade into the background as time passes by. as you go around changing jobs, leaving the country, or starting your own family, you have to accept the fact that only a few friends will remain through time. cherish them.

i miss the time when i could sit in the sofa all day reading a novel and watching tv at the same time. it has proven to be an impossible task now. what little time i have on weekends, i spend with my yabsy or sleeping or plainly, doing nothing. i havent cracked a book for a long time now. my to-read-list is growing longer and longer each day. i tend to start some classics and forget about it after a few pages. haarhhh... that serious huh?

i have this urge to drink everything away. yep, i mean alchohol when i said drink. i dont know, but lately, i badly want to forget. forget about work, about money, about responsibilities, and other complexities of life. i just want to drop dead with nothing on my head and be satisfied with it. even for just an hour, i want to clear everything from my mind and dream on peacefully. oopppss, i sounded freaky. ü

so you see.... im desperate. i dont know what i want anymore. but then,after all the ramblings i just unfolded...i could say that my life is beautiful, complicated yet beautiful.

the day when i wear my earphones all day

2005-10-12T15:53:00.000+08:00

on friendship and everything else that comes in between

there is a proposed gimmik for g24 peeps, my freshman block on friday. i'm looking forward to it, it has been years since i last saw the first friends i met during my freshman year in UP. five long years. and now, everything seems to be different from what they are back then.

looking back

...my biggest problem was beating the deadlines for the mps and long exams.

...my tears were caused by failed exams and unreasonable professors.

...i fall in line for registrations and class enlistment.

...my limited allowance cause me a big headache at the start of each week.

and now

...my biggest problem is still meeting the schedule for automated functional testing.

...my tears were caused by problems concerning my family's finances.

...i fall in line daily at the mrt ticket booth.

...the scandalous amount of tax deductions on my payslip makes my temples hurt.

on a totally different matter, i give up

i miss my sykes friends. i've been thinking about them lately and how it feels weird not being able to talk to them at all. i blame my pride. i was mean. i was trying to prove that being ignored hurts. and now i learned that the gap that i had created with them leaves a big hole in my life. i hope we could work things out and things will return back to where it used to be. to cut all the crap, i just want to say that i miss them. really.

the day when i keep on staring at the cute magnets

2005-10-11T18:16:00.000+08:00

im tired.

my back aches painfully.

my hands are getting numb having typed a mile today.

my eyes are heavy .

my brain is dead.

i cant think of anything.

my whole body is protesting to do anything at all.

maybe when i see you tomorrow, ill cry.

the day with the feel good massage from metrowalk spa

2005-10-07T16:24:00.000+08:00

it was the nice sweddish/siatsu combination. it was the quiet atmosphere at metrowalk. it was the fatigue i had been feeling lately. it was the muscle pains and the headache. but most of all, it was him. he made me laugh like no one else could do. he made me wonder what great thing could i have done to deserve such a wonderful person by my side. with him, being silly in front of other people does not matter at all. with him, i always feel a kind of happiness i have never felt before. i love him more each day. so much, it hurts.

i was up till 4am

aside from the wonderful massage treat, we also found a couple of must-have korean movies. oh my, it was so worth it. i started looking for friends and lovers (aka lover's concerto) last year and finally i found a copy at metrowalk last night. i wouldnt have bought it, being the ultimate pobre-forever-na-walang-pera girl that i am. but of course, jun insisted on buying it. and since this comedy-drama flick had really touched my heart the when we saw it last year at the big screen (tagalized version unfortunately), who am i to say no? hehehe... i love the feeling of being spoiled. and he does that a lot. but almost always, i feel guilty, knowing that i could not return the favor. hay, someday, ill be able to. i'll make sure to find a way.

lover's concerto stars Cha Tae-Hyun (gyun-woo of sassy girl), Son Ye-Jin(aby of endless love, summer scent), and Lee Eun-Joo. the story is about friendship and love. with a very very sad twist at the end that made me cry despite the fact i have already seen this movie before. we also bought another korean dvd, my crazy first love with gyun- woo as the silly leading actor again. if lover's concerto made me cry... this one is hilariously and outrageously funny.

the day when i really really want to sleep

2005-10-06T13:34:00.000+08:00

"i want you to see what cant be seen. summer snow."

i cant believe im still crying. "summer snow" is this japanese series i borrowed from mabel a long time ago. i have been meaning to finish it for weeks but only got the chance to now. it made me cry. in the office, staring at my desktop, with tissues still wet with tears, there i was sobbing my heart out. it's a feel good movie with a really cool soundtrack that makes you feel relaxed and makes you smile as the story of unfold. the plot is perfect, and i fell inlove with natsuo (japanese word for summer) and yuki (snow). you see, natsuo is into diving and taking underwater photograph and he wants to take yuki diving to see summer snow. by the way, summer snow are snows falling deep into the ocean. however, yuki is suffering from a weak heart which made diving difficult. haaaay.... this is one
of those films that i wont be able to stop talking about.

the day when it feels like i went back to school

2005-09-26T18:35:00.000+08:00

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells againlike we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

the day when he is so makulit conio

2005-09-23T14:43:00.000+08:00

"A girl asked a guy if he thought she
was pretty,
he said...no. She asked him if he would want to
be with her forever....and he said no.

She then asked him if she were to leave would
he
cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough.

As she walked away, tears streaming down her
face,
the boy grabbed her arm and said....

You're not pretty, you're beautiful.
I dont want to be with you forever. I NEED to be
with you forever. And I wouldnt cry if you
walked
away...I'd die..."

so sweet

lately, i've been fascinated by classic books written in old English and usually narrated by little children. i just finished the prince and the pauper and i was much awed by the story. and right now, im reading the little prince and oliver twist. i love 'em.

scripts

i dont know why, but no matter how i prevent it, i always find myself looking dumbly on a window where array, static, and if_else are. i mean, i despise programming, that i admit. but no matter how hard i convince myself that i'd rather be something else, i always end up... doing codes and debugging. hmmm.... talk about unpredictability right? but you know what makes it so different this time? i'm actually enjoying what im doing. and id be happy to keep on, if needed. hehehe... mabel would be happy to hear this. she havent forgiven the guy who made me promise myself that i would never ever be a software developer.btw, im still a qa person doing automated scripts.

the day with strawberry belgian waffle, yummy

2005-09-22T12:03:00.000+08:00

to start with, lately i feel as if im being rather talkative whenever i'm around my friends. i came to realize, i never ran out of anecdotes and stories about anything under the sun and i dont think i stop talking. weird, because to almost everyone else, im really the quiete-and-shy type of person. with that in mind, i thought of writing down other things that is not so obvious to most of the people around me. heregoes:

10 things you dont know about me

1. i have a serious bout of inferiority complex. i lack self confidence. i dont really believe in myself. believe that? its true.

2. my most prized corporate possession is an orange little frog that rests on top of every pc (at work) that i had used. this little fella, "froggy", for lack of any other name i could associate with it serves as my sidekick for every job that i had so far.

3. i'm musically ignorant coz im a passive listener. i dont know usher or beyonce. i dont care about their music. i wont even recognize them on the television. much more would i know any of their songs. all this because i just listen to whatever comes my way.to me listening is different from most people i know.in my case, music is something that just comes and then go into thin air. that means that i dont remember the title or the artist or the album or anything about most of the song i "encounter". i just listen to them, ask me the chorus or any part of the lyrics after a minute or so and i tell you, i wont be able to remember. that's how hopeless i am when it comes to music.

4. i find it hard to throw away my trash. i am the kind of person who keeps the smallest peice of paper that i had used on my bag instead of throwing them in the bin. my wallet is usually full with old receipts, old pictures, old atm cards that i can not seem to get rid of. my inbox is full of year old messages that i can not delete unless maybe if i'll close my eyes. my local drives are full of back up files that would stay there unless when windows force me to delete some. my notebooks are full of pages with useless doodles and wasted space that will never be torn.

5. i have this thing with the phonebook entries on my cell phone. i keep a standard on how the contact name should appear and i have a tendency to check the records repeatedly fearing that one entry may violate my sacred rules. what do i get from that stupid habit? nothing. but i do it nonetheless.

6. i like blog hopping. and reading other people's personal messages, comments, thoughts and the works. for me it is a way to really get to know a person. it's impossible to know what's going on in another person's mind at a given time. so even a glimpse of that, i would appreciate.

7. i'm a self confessed morning rush addict. yep, its kinda jologs. but listening to dell and chico's top ten something's every single day usually brings a big grin on my face on my way to work in the morning. and that in the middle of ayala morning traffic jam is really something, dont you think?

8. whenever someone (usually my close friends and relatives) are leaving for another country, i ask for a mickey mouse key chain for pasalubong. and i always look forward for it when they come back. i has become a habbit. :)

9. i like to write. i'd like to think that i have a knack for writing feature articles. and i have developed this irritating habbit of being gramatically conscious. lately, i always find myself checking the grammar of everything i happen to be reading. would you believe that i even noted that upon checking harry potter and the halfblood prince has 9 typographical errors in it? hahaha, geeky, ryt? anyway, i like writing stuff out of my head.

10. i dont want people calling me gracia (paging marco and aby). i hate it. i prefer to be called grace, grays or gracie would be even better (mas malambing). and whenever i have to write my name on paper... i would never ever be caught writing "grace dela Peña" - clearly, that's somebody else like a news caster on ch7. it should always be "maria grace dela peña". and definitely, i wont forgive anyone who will call me maria grace. be it written or spoken. i just care so much about how people name me that i think it's hilarious.

pilot

2005-09-21T15:04:00.000+08:00

i am torn into deciding wether i'd like to have a new blog, yah this one, or would i just keep my old blog at multiply?

hmmm.... i could just repost my journal there in here, or just keep things the way they are. and posts artics here from now on. what do i do?

for now, ill just start blogging here, and keep pictures, videos, and everything else on multiply.

useless dilemma right? oh well.

the day when the sky is dark

2005-09-16T18:14:00.000+08:00

i love parokya ni edgar...
yeah! hail to the pambansang banda ng pilipinas. I've been listening to their new album "halina sa parokya" all day. I specifically like the songs "Para sayo" and "gitara". here's the lyrics.

Para Sayo
“lumayo ka na sa akin, wag mo kong kausapin.
Parang awa mo na wag kang magpapaakit sa kin.
Ayoko lang masaktan ka.Malakas akong mambola…
Hindi ako santo. Pero para sayo
Akoy magbabago. Kahit mahirap
Kakayanin ko. Dahil para sa yo.
Handa akong magpakatino. Lagging isipin
Lahat ay gagawin. Basta para sa yo.

Hindi ikaw yung tipong niloloko
At hihndi naman ako yung tipong nagseseryoso
At kahit sulit sana sa yo ang kasalanan
Lolokohin lang kita.
Kaya kung pwede wag na lang

Dahil ayoko ngang masaktan ka
Wag kang maniniwala
Hindi ako santo
Pero para sayo
Akoy magbabago
Kahit mahirap, kakayanin ko
Bastat para say o…
Handa kong magpakatino
Lagging isipin, lahat ay gagawin.
Basta para sayo…

Bakit nakikinig ka pa
Matatapos na ang kanta
Pinapatakas na kita
Mula sa unang istansa
Hindi ka ba natatakot baka ikay masangkot sa mga kasalanan ko
Pero para say o.
Akoy magbabago.
Kahit mahirap ay kakayanin ko.
Dahil para say o.
Ako’y magbabago
Kahit mahirap ay kakayanin ko.
Dahil para sayo handa akong magpakatino.
Laging isipin lahat ay gagawin basta’t para sayo."

the day when i dont care about the title

2005-08-17T13:50:00.000+08:00

y do i feel gloomy today

i feel alone. like i was left behind in my own world. i feel sad. because i know that no matter how i try, nothing would make sense. like creating your own dimension and shielding yourself from the cruel reality of everything else. like my own little paradigm i built, then hated almost at the same time. my friends have been there for me, and i love them. but somehow, i feel isolated. im alone. i have to deal with this on my own. becoz nobody would understand how hard it is for me. deep inside, tears flow out of my soul. and now, i feel empty.

the day when i turned 23

2005-08-10T13:57:00.000+08:00

The Blessing of Unanswered Prayers

I asked for strength that I might achieve; I was made weak that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for health that I might do greater things; I was given infirmity that I might do better things.

I asked for riches that I might be happy; I was given poverty that I might be wise.

I asked for power that I might have the praise of men; I was given weakness that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things that I might enjoy life; I was given life that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing that I had asked for, but eveything that I had hoped for.

Almost despite myself my unspoken prayers were answered; I am, among all men, most richly blessed.

- Unknown Confederate soldier -

the day when it rains

2005-08-05T14:01:00.000+08:00

haaay ulan

ang sarap ng pakiramdam kapag umuulan. ang sarap ng dampi ng hangin at ng tunog ng patak ng tubig. ang payapa ng paligid at ang kulimlim ng langit, parang makahulugan ang katahimikan sa daan. kaya lang, pag umuulan... hay, ang trafic. ang hirap sumakay. kailangan, may payong ka para hindi ka mabasa. otherwise... well you can imagine.

parang love yan eh. masarap sa pakiramdam. kapag dumarating, minsan di ka prepared. kadalasan, maiipit ka sa gitna. kapag minamalas ka...babagyuhin ka pa. kasabay ng payapang paligid biglang kukulimlim ang langit. parang nagbabadya ng unos na parating. sa love kasi, hindi lahat saya. darating ang oras na magkakaroon ka ng problema. na magiisip ka kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman mo. pag hindi ka handa sa ganyang pagkakataon, kawawa ka. kasi, panigurado mababasa ka, mahihirapang sumakay. matrafic. kung hindi... para kang basang sisiw. lost.

pero sa buhay, kasama talaga ang problema. minsan, nalulusutan natin yan. minsan naman... kelangang nating tanggapin kung ano man ang kahinatnan ng mga bagay. isipin mo na lang na nangyayari ang lahat dahil may dahilan. at kung anu man yun... mag ccontribute para maging mas malakas ka para sa susunod na pagbuhos ng ulan.

isipin mo na lang na pagkatapos ng bagyo, sisikat ulit ang araw.

the day when i miss him terribly

2005-07-22T11:48:00.000+08:00

article originally written last: 10/11/04, 08:50am

but then i want you exactly the way you are

If you were a cartoon character
You'd be Dexter
All-knowing and smart yet lovable and adorable.

If you were a coffee
you'd be caramel frappuccino
ice-cold, smooth and delicious yet a pocket burner.

If you were a chocolate
You'd be Black Meiji
Bitter yet sweet.

If you were a drink
You'd be a Vodka
You come in different flavors yet each one is addictive.

If you were a reality tv show
You'd be Amazing Race
Adventurous, thrilling and exciting yet breathtakingly wild.

If you were a movie,
You'd be My Sassy Girl
Irritatingly funny at the beginning yet mellow and romantic as the film rolls.

If you were an animal,
You'd be a Lion
Arrogant yet hilariously shy.

If you were a sport
You'd be hang-gliding
Adrenaline-rush all throughout yet relaxing

If you were a stone
You'd be a diamond
Hard and unbreakable yet forever enchanting.

If you were a heavenly body
You'd be the sun
... you are the closest star to me
... my source of energy
...without you I shall not live
...complex, yet you are the world for me.

the center of my universe.

Repost - Ang Labo Mo

2005-07-22T11:39:00.000+08:00

Ang Labo Mo...
article created last: 03/31/04 : 0839am

Ang labo mo.

Ang labo. Yan ang generic na comments ng mga friends ko kapag nagkkwento ako ng tungkol sa yo. Yan din ang buntong hininga ko kapag naiisip kita. At yan din ang himutok ko sa kung ano mang bagay sa kalawakan na meron tayo ngayon.

Kapag tinitingnan kita sa mata, nalulula ako. Kapag magkasama tayo, konting friction lang, nagiiba ang pakiramdam ko. Kapag di kita nakita or nakausap or naitext, hindi ako mapakali. At sa oras oras na ginawa ni God, naiisip kita. I was kind of hesitant to admit it at first, kasi hindi ako sanay ng nagkakaganito. And to be vocal about it...naku, kung alam mo lang kung gaano kahirap yun sa part ko. I grew up in a family where feelings are not something that you can discuss over dinner. Kaya malihim ako lalo na kung tungkol sa mga nararamdaman ko. Pero syempre, lahat yun nakalimutan ko nung nagsimula ang dilemma ko tungkol sa yo.

Di ka naman sweet eh. Walang konsepto ng pagiging romantic na nananalaytay sa laman mo, sure ako dun. Pero kapag magkasama tayo, feeling ko ang special ko. Eh sundin mo ba naman lahat ng gusto ko eh. Yung tipong even the smallest details gusto mo mapagbigyan mo ko? Minsan nga kahit di mo trip yung movies na gusto ko, nagppretend ka na lang na excited eh.Di ka magaling magpanggap kaya alam ko. One time nga magkahawak tayo ng kamay sa movie, nararamdaman ko talaga na mahal mo ko. Kaya all throughout, naka-smile ako. Hindi mo nga lang siguro nakita kasi madilim and of course, you're supposed to look at the screen. Yung mga night walks natin, yun yung best part para sa akin. Feeling ko ang payapa. As in I feel so secured with you, minsan ayoko ng makita ka kapag maghihiwalay tayo. Kasi nasasaktan ako na natapos na yung ilang oras na kasama kita. And then I'll start counting the hours and days and sometimes weeks kung kelan ulit kita makakasama. Yah, I know, adik na ata ako sa yo eh.

And dont worry alam kong mahal mo ko. Nararamdaman ko na totoo, in your own special way you make me feel cared for and loved. Love din kita, and dont worry, tanggap ko kung sino ka ang lahat lahat ng tungkol sa yo. Kaya kahit na mushy ako at sentimental at kahit na mas gusto yung sweet and thoughtful, i fully understand kung hindi ko masyadong makita sa yo yun. Believe me, you have taught me how to appreciate the simple things na ginagawa mo.

Sana lagi na lang ganito. Sana yung mga magical moments, hindi mawala at hindi natin pagsawaan. Sana yung mga ngiti sa labi at kislap sa mata na nagraradiate kapag magkausap tayo, hindi kumupas.

Sana alam mo na ganito ang nararamdaman ko. At sana rin alam ko kung ano ang nasa isip mo.

Ano ba talaga, tayo ba o imagination ko lang lahat ito? Ang labo di ba?

the day with the last song syndrome

2005-07-21T11:44:00.000+08:00

can't get it out of my mind. so might as well post it here. same old same old. still bored. i miss him. sobra

"Sige"
( by 6 CYCLE MIND )
Sige, pag kasama ka naman,
Kitang-kita ko ang ating kasiyahan
Sige, wag na nating pigilan
At di magtatagal, tayo ay liligaya

Okey lang naman ang ating usapan
Hindi na lang babalikan ang nakaraan
Ang nakaraan

Ayos lang, basta't kasama
Konting alak lang, Kahit walang pulutan
Ang minsan, naaalala
Di magtatagal, tayo ay liligaya

Sige, pagpatuloy niyo lang
Unti-unting lunudin sa kasiyahan
Sige, pagpasensiyahan na lang
Mga pumipigil sa ating ligaya

Okey lang naman ang ating usapan
Hindi na lang babalikan ang nakaraan
Ang nakaraan

Ayos lang, basta't kasama
Konting alak lang, Kahit walang pulutan
Ang minsan, naaalala
Di magtatagal, tayo ay liligaya

the day when i have nothing else to do

2005-07-20T11:38:00.000+08:00

on the pain of boredom

You might have noticed that I've been updating this blog like crazy since it's birth on July 18. Haha! Believe it or not, I have nothing else to do but think of something to spice this webblog. I am so bored. Evidently.

I visited eyen's site two days ago, I discovered it by pretty much guessing. And I found something cool. She has a page with all of her special friends's close up pictures. That's why I added "the profiler" (btw, thanks eyen!). Now I have to look for appropriate pictures of my closest bud... That's something that I could do for half a day. Yeah, there's friendster. But knowing my being oc when it comes to photos... Now you see how bored I am?

Hay, I dont intend to spend the rest of this month bumming around. God, I have no idea that this is so difficult.

on harry potter and the spoilers

Having nothing else to do, I resolved into reading the softcopy of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince as well. At first I successfully resist the urge to do so, thinking that it would be too inconsiderate. But after learning that I, indeed, am suppose to do nothing else but wait for the day's end, I decided to go on and read the remaining chapters. After all, even closing my eyes and blocking my ears with my hands... proved to be useless in keeping the spoilers out of my system.

It's good. It's one of the best books in the series so far and I love it. I want to savor it to the last drop (geek!). I can't tell you how grateful I am that jun jun gave me a copy on the release date. Up to now, I am mesmerized with the fact that I have the book on my hands at night (yes, that's how much of an addict I am). If it were my decision, I'd rather not buy it, however badly I want the book. Masyado akong kuripot to spare the thousand bucks. But now, I'm just thankful that he gave me the pleasure of being one of the first to have it...Really.

the day with the whole mystery of mapping

2005-07-20T11:17:00.000+08:00

After talking to Sir Hans, we came to a conclusion that we are indeed moving to the mapping team in August.

This could be an adventure. I have no idea whatsoever about what mapping is about. It could be fun to learn something entirely new. That way, I wont bore myself uploading photos and videos each and everytime of the day. And the best part of it (the one that gets me hopeful instead of reproachful),its a temporary project assignment. If that is really the case, then I guess it would be a gud move. There's nothing to loose and in return, I'll learn stuff...

Actually, when you look at it, this transfer is a bit overwhelming. I would prefer to stay with performance longer before engaging in another project. That way, I had my hands first on the specifics of our team's project before leaping into something new. But since it just happened all of a sudden, I just have to accept the fact that I have to go. And look forward to the possiblities of doing maps.

To give you an idea of what the heck I am talking about... Jackie defined mapping as "the art of mopping the floor" I had laughed my stomach out!!

the day i got it straight

2005-07-20T11:10:00.000+08:00

Pagising ko kaninang umaga... nawala sa isip ko. So derecho lang ako sa ordinary routine. Tumunog ang alarm clock ng 545. Pero knowing na meron pa kong 15 minutes... pumikit ulit ako. Tumunog ulit ang alarm ng 6. Despite my whole body's protest, naglakad ako papuntang sofa. Pumikit. Nagpanggap na tulog. Kumuha ng towel. Nung mapadaan ako sa salamin, whoaaah! something's change. hehehe. It's the hair. Yep...got it fixed last night. My hair has been a bother for a while now and when abby ask if i want to go with her to get our hairs done... di na ko nagdalawang isip.
At first, I thought it's not me. I mean, seriously. I had my hair in its natural mess of a condition since birth and never once did it undergo any major fix. And then this one... hahaha! It was really surprising considering that I hate it when people notice that there's something new in me. I prefer to stay out of the limelight.I even hate it when I have to trim my hair when it gets out of control. Oh well...maybe they wont notice the difference. Or if they did... I could always throw a "shinampoo ko lang yan"-line...

changes

2005-07-19T10:57:00.000+08:00

From work and back
From the crib then the rocking chair.
From a child to a lady.
From home to nowhereland.
From smile to tears.
From love then hate.
From hate to angst.
From enjoying something to getting sick of it.
From traffic to being late then going home.
From one manager to another.
From a long lost friend to a new found acquaintance.
From having you around then leaving for home.
From hugs and kisses to daydreams.
From sleeping to sleeping some more.
From summer to floods.
From the crazy world of the internet to the world of books and magic.
From happy meal toys to sweet chocolates.
From a month to a year.
From now until forever.
This is my life.
From start to end.

waking up

2005-07-11T10:51:00.000+08:00

its the best part.
those once-a-week mornings when the first thing i see is your face
and the first thing i feel are your arms around me.

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.I love thee to the depth and breadth and

heightMy soul can reach, when feeling out of sightFor the ends of Being and ideal Grace.I love

thee to the level of everyday'sMost quiet need, by sun and candle-light.I love thee freely, as

men strive for Right;I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.I love thee with a passion put

to useIn my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.I love thee with a love I seemed to

loseWith my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if

God choose,I shall but love thee better after death."

missing those

2005-07-10T10:22:00.000+08:00

I miss them.

the smiling people who greets me each morning

the silence of my seatmate that I grew fond of.

the arrogance of the one I hate

the sound of the CAT and going in the darkness of CATlab.

I miss that.

I miss my boss' shriek of laughter

and my pal's morning anecdotes.

I miss the pantry and that old canteen.

Even the loudness of the front desk.

I miss the untidy pedestal i kept

and the testcards usually in my pocket.

the thrill of violating the no-outside-mail policy.

and the beurucracy for the requests.

I miss those paperworks.

my pets on the desk.

i miss inay.

and everyone i love whom i left.

thier jokes.
the laughter.
the wave.
the camaraderie.

i'm sad. i didnt expect to be.

Of Reasons and Rainbows

another corner on the web

job satisfaction

one year since

unfinished stories

wonderful life

galera getaway 2006

silence

sleeping at work

recently part 2

recently...

nightshift

toxic

my desk

bored of being bored

thanks God

random thoughts

to those that i miss the most

with a smile

my eyes hurt

my metaphor

try to smile

posting hiatus

some musings

just another crapped day

choices

the day i found the quote

the day with the credit card headache

the last working day of the year whoohooh!

christmas '05

the day of gift giving and the beginning of weekend getaway

the day when i dont really care

the day with the webinar

the day when i started eating chicken sandwich for lunch

the day when there was no traffic at all and i wasn't even dreaming

the day after the long weekend

the day after watching my sassy girl (again)

the day with the power nap...

the day with my 3rd client

the day when im awfully lazy

photography 101

the saturday i was at the office

the day with a bag of mr chips from eggpie

the day when i wear my earphones all day

the day when i keep on staring at the cute magnets

the day with the feel good massage from metrowalk spa

the day when i really really want to sleep

the day when it feels like i went back to school

the day when he is so makulit *conio*

the day with strawberry belgian waffle, *yummy*

pilot

the day when the sky is dark

the day when i dont care about the title

the day when i turned 23

the day when it rains

the day when i miss him terribly

Repost - Ang Labo Mo

the day with the last song syndrome

the day when i have nothing else to do

the day with the whole mystery of mapping

the day i got it straight

changes

waking up

missing those

the day when he is so makulit conio

the day with strawberry belgian waffle, yummy