4.06.2006
| nightshift |

I arrived at the office at exactly 6:41am today. I was the first person inside and every light on our wing are still switched off and even the damn airconditioner was still asleep when I entered. I usually come early, a habbit I acquired when I started working with perf team. As always, I started my day by getting a hot cup of coffee from the pantry and then proceeded by reading my mails. It was, in every aspect, an ordinary day. Except that it is absolutely not.

When I arrived at the hospital last night, my mom was alone again. She informed me that she sent my brother, whom I asked to stay until I arrive, home. Her visitors for the day had all gone home as well and she was left talking with the moaning patient's company(refer to previous post). I brought dinner for two with me. One for me and the other was supposedly for my brother. I checked with my mom earlier and she informed me that she already had her dinner. After hurriedly eating (believe me, the sick feeling inside the hospital ward and the smell of medicine made me loose my appetite no matter how hungry I am), I washed up a bit, changed my clothes and prepared for bed. Unfortunately, I had a splitting headache which made me awake for hours after laying on my mom's side. So we talked. We talked about what happened that day. About how my father screwed up again by being on the hospital way later than he promised. She said she's used to him not being true to his words. I explained why I arrived late, I was informed that I needed to finish some task an hour before I was set to leave. We talked about our relatives and gossiped about the whatabouts of some. I showed her some photos on my phone, describing the place where I worked and the people I worked with. We talked for 3hours about nothing in particular just bits and pieces of whatever came from our minds. This is the closest that I have been to my mother for the longest time that I could remember.

Our family is a unique one. Let me describe unique geographically. I live in Pasig, with my bestfriend from college Abby and her lola. My younger sister, Shiela, used to live with us but she got a new job and got assigned in Tarlac, Tarlac. So she lives there now. My mom and my dad live with my father's mother in Taytay, Rizal. My younger brother, Allan, lives in a dorm in UPLB where he is taking up Industrial Engineering. My youngest brother, Owie, meanwhile lives with my mother's parents in Batangas. He would be moving to a dorm in UP Diliman this coming school year.

Given this setup it is very difficult for us to manage and have some quality family time. Times when we are all together under the same roof are rare. They usually happen during Christmas, New Year's Eve and our barrio fiesta. And that's about it. But we get by. Our family may seem rather different than the usual but we stick with each other for as long as I can remember.

We are currently experiencing something unexpected and out of control. What breaks my heart is that as much as i avoid it, I keep thinking how unfair life is. And how cruel the world could get. I have a strong faith,yes. I believe that God in His own powerful way would lead us out through this mess. He always does. But why... why do this thing have to happen in the first place? We are perfectly satisfied with the little blessings we have, we may have financial problems every now and then...but do we really have to endure the pain of realizing how poor and helpless we are? And why does it have to be my mom? Why not me, instead? At least that way, I could rest assure that my family is all well and safe. I feel awful, and right now, I could do nothing about it. Well, nothing but pray. I pray for my mom's operation and recovery. And I pray for my family's strength.

(By the way, her operation would be tomorrow. Please pray with me and my family for her operation to be successful. It would be much help for us...)

grays|*mumbles to herself* | 12:06 PM

4 bouncing feedback(s):

  • alam mo kung bakit binibigay ni God sa tin ung mga gantong "challenges"? Kasi, mahal na mahal Nya tayo. Kung masyado na tayong contented sa buhay natin, walang growth, we become stuck. at least pag may problems along the way, narerediscover natin ung strength within us.

    Look at it this way, at least now you get to talk to your mom. =) I don't know if she will be OK, all I know is it is God's will. =)

    and yup I agree with you, kahit anong gutom mo you can't simply eat at hospitals. believe me, nasa hospital mommy ko, I lost like almost 10 pounds, samantalang 5 days lang ata sya sa hospital.

    Kaya mo yan... :) again, I will include your mom's recovery and your strength in my prayers. :)

    By Blogger Yoyce, at Thursday, April 06, 2006 1:18:00 PM  

  • luv u grays! >:D< i know you are having a tough time lately and i know how hurt you are, but see, diba, God shows you the people who care :)

    and also, i would like to quote one insight i read somewhere.
    "even if we are hurt, we can still heal other people". and that exactly is what you do to me now. you know how tough things are for me lately. im undergoing something radical and you are always there to listen to my crappy thoughts and sometimes childish whinings. to give me your advise kahit alam kong worried ka kay inay. to be the bestfrend i always had.

    yuck naiiyak na ko! :(( i really wish we were together now :((

    let me quote something you said a while ago..

    trust Him.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, April 06, 2006 1:29:00 PM  

  • sabi nga..
    Fear is illusionary.. It cannot live. courage is eternal..

    fortify your mind with courage and faith.
    Love, presence of mind and courage, will keep you through

    also tama din si sila. "Him"... seek and you shall be heared..

    ( im a regular frnd you met sometime in your life just sharing what i think could help. It my turn to help. cheers!)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Thursday, April 06, 2006 4:52:00 PM  

  • thank you! i appreciate all the advice. im on my way to the hospital now.

    somehow,im comforted by the fact that somebody cares and somebody understands exactly what im going through right now. the operation would be later at 2pm. guys, thanks for your prayers. you dont know how much it means to me.

    >:)<

    By Blogger grays, at Friday, April 07, 2006 10:56:00 AM  

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