of reasons and rainbows

1.31.2006

| try to smile |

pagkatapos ng matagal tagal ring pag susupply ng walang katapusang quotes buhat sa mga kung anu anong website na napagkikikita ko... naisipan kong mag post ng may sense. well, at least, sana nga meron. mahaba haba rin ang aking posting hiatus phase. sinadya ko ito. wala kasing magandang masabi. sabi nga ng lola ko, kung wala kang magandang sasabihin, manahimik ka na lang. tama naman di ba?

naisip ko rin na hindi ako magrereklamo sa entry na to. sawa na ko kakareklamo. nakakapagod din pala. wala man ako sa receiving end, i feel for those people na nagagambala ko sa aking walang katapusang angal sa buhay. kung nababasa nyo to, patawad. and if it is any consolation, just keep in mind that you kept me sane in this whole ordeal. at dahil ekis ang pagrereklamo, this would be something to smile about.

kaya lang, ano bang pwede kong isulat dito na mag ffall sa category na something to smile about? kung kahapon mo ko tinanong, ang sagot ko ay isang malutong na "WALA".

eto tingin mo, pwede na...

pag nagising ka ng alas singko y media ng umaga, chances are, walang traffic papunta sa ayala, at wala ang pagkahaba habang pila. ganyan ang araw ko kaninang umaga. nakakaantok oo, pero sulit sa gaan ng pakiramdam at aliwalas ng daan.

minsan, may mga taong unexpectedly eh makakasabay mo pagpasok. at kahit inaantok ka pa kaya di mo sya agad nakilala... ililibre ka nya. dahil once in a blue moon lang mangyari na may manlibre sa kin sa umaga,exception to the rule si junjun syempre, masarap pala ang feeling.

dahil invisible mode ako pag nasa office, its nice to know na pag di ka nag reply, or di ka nag email, or di ka nagparamdam gaya ng nakaugalian, may maghahanap sa yo. may makakapansin na hindi ka nag open ng outlook. may makaka ramdam na tinamad kang mag reply sa ym. may mga taong may care sa invisible existence mo. can these people be any sweeter?

para saan pa ang cellphone kung wala namang nagtetext? para saan pa ang telepono kung hindi naman nag riring? buti na lang at me makulit akong pinsan na sa sobrang kulit eh kelangan pa kong tawagan ng tawagan para sa ipinapabili nyang dvd. sobrang kulit, pero sweet para sa kin.

if you need a feel good movie that you could watch over and over again try my list: 1 my best friend's wedding, 2 pretty woman, 3 notting hill. arranged according to the most number of times viewed. yah, im so desperate for julia roberts's flick. but these movies never fail to make me feel good despite the fact that practically, i have the script memorized on my my head.

you know how i would define sweet these days? yung paghihintay ng halos dalawang oras bago umuwi. yung constant reminder na compared sa kahit sino, and i mean kahit sino talaga, para sa mga mata nya, ikaw ang pinakamaganda. yung paghihintay habang nagpapakabaliw ako sa pagsusukat ng mga damit kahit na we both know na wala naman akong bibilihin. yung makita ka lang naka smile, nawawala na ang pagod ko at ang sama ng loob ko sa mundo, naglalaho.

buti na lang at naimbento ang email. nakakabawas ng kalungkutan. buti na lang at naimbento ang chat. masarap ang may kakwentuhan. buti na lang at naimbento ang internet. madaming pwedeng basahin. buti na lang at hindi mahigpit ang IT dito sa office. pwede mag install ng kung anu ano. mag download ng kung anu ano. pwede magkalikot ng kung ano ano. just imagine, kung wala ang mga bagay na yan, baka namatay na lang ako dito sa upuan ko sa kabatuhan.

gusto kong magbakasyon. ng mahaba. yung sulit na pahinga. with pay. dream on, ryt? well... pangarap ko yan. to get away from this harsh reality im facing. to be free of every ounce of stupidity this world of mine dictates. plainly, to vanish for a while and gather enough strength to do what i have to do. to make a difference. and to stop saying that there is indeed no choice. sorry, sabi ko bawal ang reklamo di ba? ayan na naman... non-stop talaga ako pag nasimulan.

grays|*mumbles to herself* | 3:04 PM | 1 comments

1.26.2006

| posting hiatus |

"Like an unfamiliar song, you can hum with all your heart, but you'll never find the words..."

--Close to the End, Mojofly

At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good. And some are good struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls and sometimes... All you need is ONE. - One Tree Hill

grays|*mumbles to herself* | 4:47 PM | 0 comments

1.23.2006

| some musings |

yesterday was a movie marathon day. i watched: a lot like love, prime, con air, nothing hill and forrest gump on dvd. i haven't slouched on the sofa that long for such a long time. but it felt great, being lazy and all without a care in the world.

***

this could maybe summarize how im feeling right now:

"Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments
I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more"

yah, i must admit, I, still am pathetically in love.
***
i'm contemplating on something important and worrisome as of the moment. i hope that all goes well... cause if not, i think i'd go crazy. im making no sense here, ryt. but maybe, somebody would be able to read between the lines.

grays|*mumbles to herself* | 1:56 PM | 0 comments

1.18.2006

| just another crapped day |

today, i resolve to study oracle. due to some incident that made me itch and left me dumbfounded, i have this adrenaline rush to do something that would lead to regaining my selfworth. i dont have enough of it, why steal the little drops contained in my soul? today, i resolve to have a path. a goal. and im determined to get there when the time comes.

update: winrunner 8.2 na lang pala lang ka-careerin ko. aja, aja fighting!

grays|*mumbles to herself* | 11:54 AM | 0 comments

1.16.2006

| choices |

i hate this day. its painful. i feel useless. i feel trashed. i feel rather stupid not being able to do anything about it. there are so many things going on in my mind, if only i could sum it all up and put it all down into words. what did i ever do that's so bad to deserve being treated like this? simply put, im just glad this day will finally be over in a few hours.

- - -
is there a room for regret? can we go back in time?

grays|*mumbles to herself* | 2:19 PM | 0 comments

1.06.2006

| the day i found the quote |

i have watched the movie, "my bestfriend's wedding" a little so many times. there is a quote in this movie that i had been dying to understand for like, forever. its only now that i had the sense to search it @ imdb. so i think i should post it here.

Julianne Potter: I'm pond scum. Well, lower actually. I'm like the fungus that feeds on pond scum.
Michael O'Neill: Lower. The pus that infects the mucus that cruds up the fungus that feeds on the pond scum. On the other hand, thank you for loving me that much, that way. It's pretty flattering.
Julianne Potter: Except it makes me fungus.

i really love this movie.

- - -

since it is the new year, i dig thru my mailbox and found another movie quote (i told you i love 'em right?). this one stored almost two years ago. it made me smile, plainly because of the reason i saved it: it hit the bull's eye back then.

From Chasing Amy, a quote from Holden McNeil (Ben Affleck):

"I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly.

You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care.

I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know... I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too.

All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this fucking planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau.

Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of."

i still haven't seen this film yet. i just found the quote while browsing the net. on the side note, that one big decision changed my life. who knows, maybe, forever. i have no regrets. on the contrary, it made me truly happy. in a way i never knew im even capable of feeling. (im blubberring here. )

grays|*mumbles to herself* | 10:00 AM | 0 comments

1.03.2006

| the day with the credit card headache |

i was listening to a morning rush audio file sent by carol, del mentioned a book she was reading. it was "I love you Ronnie" by Nancy Raegan. It was a collection of love letters sent to and from Ronald Raegan. It was the second time i came accross that book so i searched it at google. And then i found an excerpt. and it was so sweet... i have just read 3 of the letters and i want to melt and be loved by Ronald Raegan forever.

here is an excerpt i found at barnes&noble:

Feb. 14,1977

Dear St. Valentine,

I'm writing to you about a beautiful young lady who has been in this household for 25 years now - come March 4.

I have a request to make of you but before doing so feel you should know more about her. For one thing she has 2 hearts - her own and mine. I'm not complaining. I gave her mine willingingly, and like it right where it is. Her name is Nancy but for some time now I've called her Mommie and don't believe I could change.

My request of you is - could you on this day whisper in her ear that someone loves her very much and more and more each day? Also tell her, this "Someone" would run down like a dollar clock without her so she must always stay where she is.

Then tell her if she wants to know who that "Someone" is to just turn her head to the left. I'll be across the room waiting to see if you told her. If you'll do this for me, I'll be very happy knowing that she knows I love her with all my heart.

Thank you,

"Someone"

- - -

and because i'm feeling so much love right now, and because im such a sucker for romantic movie quotes, here's a top ten episode i transcribed. i wont tell you what the topic is. its for you to find out.

10. i wish it was you. i always wish it was you - you've got mail
9. there are many beautiful things that i will see. but they wont mean a thing if i lose sight of you - at first sight
8. i used to think i was complete until i met you - guess who
7. you are the champion of my heart - cinderella man
6. they say in a relationship there's always one who loves more. god, i hope its not me. - if only
5. baby im going to treat you so nice that you'll never want to let me go. - pretty woman
4. i thought i'd be beautiful. guy: but you are. - shrek
3. show me the money - jerry maguire
2. when you find the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want to start it right away. - when harry met sally
1. i'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else. - wedding date

second batch

10.you always say i fixed you. but thats a complete lie. the truth is, you fixed me. -lost
9.i want all of you forever. you and me everyday. - the notebook
8.i keep my friends close, but my enemies, closer. - blade
7.i love you from the bottom of my heart to the tip of my p*s - the ruling class;do you promise to stop the dangerous sperm build up of this guy? - the long weekend
6.mahal kita. sobra. - lorna tolentino and richard gomez
5.you do things that make my eyes close. - saving private ryan
4.im not interested in you damn, vag*a. - the bachelor
3.my bounty is as boundless as the sea. my love as deep. the more i give to thee the more i have for both are infinite. romeo and juliet
2.no matter what it takes, you cannot walk away from love. - original sin
1.i finally get what this is all about. im 63 yrs old and im in love for the first time in my life. - something's gotta give

third batch

10.its nothing personal. just business. - the godfather
9.you're the only makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. - hotchick
8.its only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reason can be found. - a beautiful mind
7.you are the most beautiful part of my everyday. - the unfaithful
6.i will make you fall in love with me every single day. - 50 first dates
5.beginning are usually scary and endings are usually sad. its the middle thats usually important.
4.eternal life without you is no life at all - lovestruck
3.ill cut your nails. ill wash your hair. ill give you a bath. sleep tight my dear, ill be here when you wake up - talk to her
2. i dont know what i'd do if i lost you. id probably get over you and be okay, but for ten minutes, id be a complete mess. - austin powers2
1. you are everything id never knew i wanted. - fools rush in
chico - good things come even late in life - under the tuscan sun
delamar - only the deepest kind of love will induce me to matrimony. you are the true love of my life that's why im here saying i do. - pride and prejudice

grays|*mumbles to herself* | 1:45 PM | 0 comments

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